What's your story?

The mirror’s presage

An abrupt pain causes me to look at my arm, and I stealthily swat the buzzing culprit away. My groggy eyes look up, the eerie silence slowly creeping up to me. It was almost like those cowboy movies were there was a whistle of wind blowing the sand and a tumbleweed would pass by. Except in my reality the wind was caused by a fan blowing very fast(the controls were broken) that it would actually better if I turned it off, and the tumbleweed was the unopened envelopes that were blown by the fan.

I stand up for the fourteenth time since the office closed at eight, and to be honest I thought I was going to lose some weight after standing up for so many times and picking up runaway envelopes. But when I sit back down my belly just protruded itself. I sigh, and I return to sorting out the envelopes. I glance at the clock, and I groan when I see that it has only been two hours since I started. I reach for another parchment, and I notice that it had something heavy inside it. I felt curious, knowing that people rarely sent letters with objects in it. I look around, and I mentally slap myself. No one was here. I’m alone. Very slowly, and clumsily if I may add, I opened the brown covered parchment. I heard a jingle as I reached my hand into it.

“Joel.”

I heard a soft whisper, and my heart beats louder. A million thoughts rushed into my head, the one dominating was someone caught me.

“Joel.”

I hear it again, and goosebumps erupt all over my body. After a few moments everything becomes quiet again, and I gulp down hard then I take out the object from the package. When I look at it, I see my own reflection. For a moment I felt my soul leave my body, but then I realized it was a mirror with a small key chain. I understood where the jingling sound came from, but it still didn’t explain why I heard someone call my name.

“Joel.”

A buff voice called, and I almost dropped the mirror. I shakily looked around, and I sighed to myself thinking that after 5 years of working here every night alone, it was only now that I was imagining things. I shake the feeling off, but then I hear it again. And my eyes widened when I realized where the sound came from.

“Joel.”

With shaky hands, I hold the mirror. I turn it around, and I felt my heart stop for a moment. My reflection, if it was my reflection, was staring right at me. My jet black hair became all white, and I wrinkles that were never there. But that didn’t freak me out. No. It was the fact that my eyes were rolled over my head, so that it only showed the white part. There was blood currently dripping from my nose. My mouth was open, my teeth cracked. And the creepiest part? The blood came out of the mirror and was dripping on my khaki pants. Just when I was about to look away, a haunted laugh rang through the silent office.

“Joel. Silly Joel. You’re stuck here forever.”

The reflection moved it lips, although it’s pupils were still missing and the nose hasn’t stopped bleeding.

“Someday Joel, you’ll look like this.”

I slam the mirror unto my cubicle wall, and it smashed into pieces. Another laugh echoed, and in horror I saw one of the pieces of the broken mirror sticking into my arm. I slowly remove it, closing my eyes as I endured the pain. But when I opened my eyes, I only saw the dead mosquito I have killed only minutes ago. I cold chill ran up my spine, and I see the parchment in front of me, unopened. I hurriedly got my coat and caught a cab home.

The next day, a package arrived.

From womb to the tomb

Earlier today, my professor asked us, “What is meaning?”

We were studying our semantics lesson- the meaning of words in a sentence. So when our professor asked us what is meaning, we were dumbfounded. How do you define something that you use to define things? Our professor then expounded the thought, and we came to the topic of defining ourselves by our meaning in life. And this became my inspiration for this post.

So now I will ask you:

What is YOUR meaning?

How do you define yourself?

When we were born, we were defined as our parents’ daughter/son. Growing up, we were defined by the playmates we had and how we were raised. When we go to school we’re defined as a student, whether we were diligent or not. When we had our first girl/boyfriend we were defined by who they were, and what we did with them. When we go to work, we are defined by our job, and where we work. We become “hubby” or “wifey”, then mom or dad. We get old, and little versions of us call us “grandpa” or “grandma”. And then, inevitably, we die. What definition does the world give us next? Gone.

Throughout our lives, we are defined by what we do, who we’re with and what we’ve accomplished. We search for the meaning of life, of who we are. We cover ourselves with material things, thinking that with it comes the true definition of who we are. We comply to the status quo, and when we die, we simply turn into dust. What good have we done then?

We don’t realize that we can make our own definition. We can live life to the way we want it, and not through what other people want. We can sway from the social expectations, and we can surprise ourselves with what we can do. So that even when we’re six feet below the ground, we still have a definition. Either we’re the ones who never took a single risk, or we’re someone who made everyone cry at our funeral because we were an inspiration to them.

So what will it be? An inspiration? Or someone forgotten? Because life won’t give us our definition. We do.

Bitterly in love

His lips slowly touch my ears, and he says “I love you.” I turn away from him, giving him a pointed look. It was in a way a PDA (public display of affection), and I hated PDA. And he knew it too. I scowl at him, and walk away from him. As predicted he runs after me, and once again anger seeps into my body when he grabs my hand. I ignore the butterflies in my stomach and I squat his hand away. His face shows a hint of sadness, but he walks behind me anyway.

A moment later I lace my fingers with his, and he smiles at me. I know he’s confused, but so am I. We walk together hand-in-hand, doing a HHWW (holding hands while walking), when I suddenly jerk my hand away from him. He whimpers, yes whimpers like a puppy, but doesn’t say anything. Next thing I know I pull him into a hug, and he smiles widely, almost creepily. I ignore him for the next few minutes, and he tries to get my attention. I notice him, then I push away again. Trust me, this is how I normally am. Confusing? Yes. But before you start throwing rocks at me for being cruel to him, hear me out.

Let me start from the beginning. I was and is currently a hopeless romantic. From the ripe age of four, Disney has filled my mind with thoughts of a prince on a white horse. I had my first crush when I was five, and until now I know his name. I loved pictures of married couples, and I even kept a picture of my parent’s wedding in a “treasure box”. I grew up seeing my parents in love, and I always wanted something like that. I had a few crushes along the way to high school (like 10 maybe?), and I made my first love story at 11. I loved to day dream of being swept off my feet, by some handsome rich guy. I even made a whole checklist about what I wanted in a guy. Disney does that to kids. So I bet you’re wondering how that girl became this bitter almost-lady?

If some of you have read about my post on bullies, they were one of the factors. A lot of people ridiculed my thoughts of love, but it wasn’t the reason I despise it. When I reached high school, I began to read more mature novels, and in plain language I was exposed to the heartbreaks of love. Seeing my friends fall in and out of love, I began to doubt it. But a part of me still believed in love. Little did I know that small spark of optimism in me though I was faced with reality shaped my personality of being a realist optimist. And when I felt my first heartbreak, I was a bit dramatic. I forced, yes, forced, myself to cry, listened to sad songs and I wrote. After a few minutes I felt pathetic, and I mentally promised myself to try to not be that pathetic again. That’s when I kind of numbed my heart from love, yet still believing that it existed. A complete paradox, but hey, life isn’t a straight line.

And so you could imagine a sappy romantic who cried over sad novels, who wears her heart on her sleeve, be so negative when it came to love. A few years more I experienced more heartbreaks, a lot of them self-inflicted, but I didn’t cry over them that much. That was until I fell in love with someone. Someone who I’d frantically catch before hitting the ground, after pushing him off the balcony.

Love really is crazy. Just when I felt genuinely crazy with this guy, my realist side knows not to get too attached. I know the way my eyes dilate when I see him, the way I can’t help but smile when he looks at me, the way everything feels right, it just scares me. I easily cry over stupid arguments, but I quickly recover, putting on a numb facade. Then it quickly melts when I hear his voice over the phone crying, or something bad happens to him. Even when I’m monumentally angry, it quickly disappears when I feel that he needs me. It’s frustratingly sweet, the way that no matter how I tell him to get lost, he bounces his way towards me, his heart bare, a yellow rose in hand, and a sorry smile on his face. It’s a crazy love-hate relationship, the hate mostly coming from me.

But I guess that’s love you know? Even when that person is on your number one hit list, you’d still drop everything to be by their side when they need you. And you know that they would do the same with you. ♥
________________________
to get more imagination on what I do to the poor boy, here’s the exaggerated version.
p.s., i love adam levine. 😀

Where have all the nice guys gone?

Nowadays, they say being nice is overrated. They say chivalry is dead. They say that being nice is so tiring when the world is cruel and evil. I beg to differ.

First, let me define a nice person. It is someone who does things selflessly, without asking for anything in return. This is someone who likes doing things for people without forgetting themselves. These people are usually taken for granted, mostly bullied and are tossed aside. Believe me, I know. And these very people who shun and hate nice people are the one who actually have the balls to ask why there aren’t more nice people.

In this generation, where people are encouraged to be themselves and all that, less and less want to be nice. They want to stand up for themselves, to be strong and different. Now this isn’t wrong. What’s wrong is that some people overdo it and become mean. Plus another factor in some people being mean is the messed up dating system. Girls go for douche bags, while men go for the girl version of douche bags. But after a while they get tired, and try to find nice people. In the end though the nice people are pushed to become douche bags, resulting in a huge scarcity with people who are just nice. People do things for their own personal gain, and everything they do must be returned in some form. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason this world has become cruel and selfish. They say being nice is too easy and that there isn’t a challenge in it.

Now here is my opinion: being nice is the hardest thing to do. You have to be nice to people you hate. You have to hold back your tongue when someone says something cruel at you. You want to do things without nothing in return, just because you want to. You have to be patient, and not to mention be always be a shoulder to lean on. And with Freud saying that we are naturally aggressive, this is opposite of who we are.

But I tell you what. Being nice to people is actually heartwarming. When you secretly do something for someone, and you watch them from a distance be happy, it’s feels more awesome than winning money. When you know you changed some one’s day, when you know that you affected their life in a good way, it’s priceless. Just a small smile, or a simple “hi” can change some one’s outlook.

In this cruel world as some may say, being nice can go a long way. A small comment about how they look, as long as you’re sincere can drastically change the way they look at themselves. And to some extent, you can help people live on with their life. For example, let’s say a frustrated writer like myself who is trying to reach out to people decides to give up writing. But one simple comment, as long as you’re really true about it, can help. Every little thing you do, as long as it comes from your heart, can mean a whole lot to someone.

And so the next time you decide to do something and you feel under appreciated, let it be. Even if no one saw it, He saw it. Besides, the feeling you get when you know you helped someone is worth more than the world’s attention.

Ms. Zoom-in

“Ruby!”

I hear someone call my name from afar. I look around me, and I can’t find where the voice is coming from. I squint my eyes, and sure enough I see my superfriend Le-an from the other side of the road. She waves at me, and crosses the road as the traffic light becomes green.

“Your ‘zooming in’ powers are amazing.” she jokes just as she hugs me.

I stick my tongue out to her like an eighteen year old should, as we walk into the donut cafe. We wait for our other friends to arrive, as we munched on some tiny donuts.

“Sooo. Do you have a boyfriend?” Le-an asks.

I laugh at her question, and she raises her left brow at me. My laugh is cut short when I see who comes into the cafe. I didn’t have to squint my eyes to know who came in. With his bowl haircut and pimply face, I hung my head low. Le-an notices it immediately, and her eyes shot daggers at the loathed specimen who’s a sorry excuse for a human being. Visions of fluffy elephants and my high school uniform flash into my mind, and I try my best to shake them out. Luckily my four other friends come in, completely ignoring the specimen near the counter. They sit down in front of me, blocking my view of him. They huddle protectively, and I smiled at their gesture.

“What do you want me to do with him?” Alyssa,my best friend, asks. She pulls her sleeve up like getting ready for a brawl, but I simply laugh at her.

“Nothing. I’m over him anyways.”

The five of them look at each other, then looks back at me. We soon forget about him when one of them opens their mouths. We shift from one topic to the other, and with us six girls in one table, it’s like a whole crowd chattering away. Soon enough an old lady shushes us, and we all talk in whispers but utterly fail because once again the old lady curses at our noise. We look at each other in silence, gather our stuff and walk out the cafe. As soon as we all step out, we burst out laughing at our antics. We soon hug each other goodbye, and we go to our different schools. I missed the times when we belonged to the same school, but it made up for the times that we met with each other.

I climb on the jeepney on the way to school, and my thoughts drift away to a day two years ago, during my freshmen year of college. Everything was falling apart between me and him, and it was only a matter of time before things ended the way it did. The jeepney suddenly stops, thrusting me forward, ending my reverie. I hold on for dear life as I held a person’s arm, screaming a bit. The driver apologizes, and we look at the almost hit to the Toyota car in front of us. Suddenly the driver hops off the vehicle, and screams profanities at the Toyota driver.

“Ouch.”

I look up at the source of the voice, and I saw dark brown eyes looking at me in annoyance. That’s when I realize that I was still clutching someone’s arm, and I let go. I look down, hoping he doesn’t see how embarrassed I was. The vehicle then starts to move again, and soon enough I reach my school. Annoyed boy hops off before I do, and I walk slowly behind him. He rubs his arm and I feel guilty again. He then looks back to me and smiles. He approaches me and runs his hand through his hair. It made my heart skip a bit, and I willed myself to stutter the words

“S-sorry”

“I should be the one who should be sorry. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

The sincerity of his voice catches me off guard, and I look up to him. He was really tall, and for my 5’2 height I was just at his shoulder level. He smiles at me and holds out his hand.

“I’m Michael.”

I stare at his hand for a few minutes, and finally I shake it. Sparks flew from my hand to my heart, and I smiled at him.

“Ann Ruby.”

———————————-
When I went home on Friday evening, I turned on my computer as always. I checked my Facebook, and I smile when I see that Michael added me as his friend. I begin to go stalker mode, I mean admirer mode, and checked his account. He was a senior student, and he didn’t open his Facebook that much. I was disappointed that I didn’t learn so much, and just logged off the computer.

I sit on my bed and I put on my glasses as I begin to study for tomorrow’s quiz. Soon enough I drift into slumber, and for some reason I dream of someone I haven’t dreamt of for a while. We were in our high school homeroom, and he was just looking at me. My heart melted the way that his eyes were just on me. He held my hand and leans in for a kiss. He suddenly laughs, and I see him in his college uniform with another girl.

“Ann Ruby? She’s just an ex. You’re better.”

He whispers to the girl’s ear, who just giggles. The girl turns around and I see that she looked almost like me, and I run away from them. That’s when I woke up, with the light streaming from my window. I shook my head with thoughts of my ex, and simply walked towards the bathroom to do my morning ritual. My head was still confused on why I dreamt of him, when I was over him years ago. I had plenty of crushes after him, but I didn’t get a boyfriend because I wanted to put my studies first. I sigh deeply as I put on my pencil skirt uniform and walked towards our kitchen.

When I reach school, I was just in time before the teacher walked in. I do my best to concentrate on the lesson, but my thoughts kept drifting to my dream. It couldn’t just have happened without a reason right? I try to think of reasons why I dreamt of him, and concluded that I was just stressed with finals coming up. I am pulled from my thoughts when I hear people getting up from their seats, and I realize that class was over. I mentally slap myself for not listening to the teacher, and I walk on to my next class. I shove through the throngs of people who were also rushing to their classes. Stephanie runs towards me and smiles widely.

“Hi Rubyyyy”

She says, stressing out the last letter. I smile at her as we get into our next room. I shove my hand into my bag, and I frantically try to find my eyeglass. My eyes widen as I realize that I might have left them in the other room, but I remember that I kept it in the front pocket of my bag. I slump on my chair, realizing that it might have fallen while walking. I then see a bright reflection, and I see my glasses in someone’s hand. And not just anyone’s hand. It was Michael’s.

“I saw this fall from your bag earlier.”

He says, smiling at me. My lips tug and curve into a smile at my eyeglass savior, and I mumble a thank you. He then waves goodbye as he goes to his room. Which was right next to my room. I felt my day instantly turn around, and I look at Stephanie who smiles at me knowingly. That’s when I concluded that I had a crush on Michael. And I was happy.

—————————————-
From that day on I always tried to take a peek in the room beside mine whenever the teacher didn’t come. I always saw the back of Michael’s head, and I always felt disappointed. I did it again anyways. I noticed other things about him, like how he was thin and that he was a bit silent in class. He always seem to know when I was looking at him, and he sometimes turns around and smiles.

‘Staring at me again?’

I smile when I read his text. We exchanged numbers a few days ago, and he was a hilarious guy. I look up from my phone and see him looking at me from across the canteen.

‘Look who’s talking.’

I text back. It doesn’t take long before he replies.

‘You’re quite hard not to stare at.’

I stupidly grin, and my classmates look at me. One of my friends steals my phone and her eyes grow wide at the text. She nudges my arm, and looks between me and Michael. I take my phone back, and I shove it into my pocket. I feel someone sit beside me, and I look up to see him. My heart jumps high, hoping he’d catch it.

“Why did you stop texting?”

His voice travels from my ears to my heart, making it leap higher.

“They took my phone”

He simply smiles at me, and opened his mouth to talk. Just then a pair of thin arms encircle his eyes, and long flowing hair covers the side of his face.

“Guess who”

The girl says, clearly enjoying what she’s doing. Michael holds her hand, and my heart drops 30 feet below sea level. He then takes the girl’s hands off, and he smiles at her. He walks off when she grabs him by his arm, dragging him to God knows where. I look at my lunch, suddenly losing my appetite. I scold myself for not thinking that he might have a girlfriend. Standing up from my chair I walk to my next class and I bury my head onto my arms. I try to empty my mind of Michael, and I felt like it was a repeat of a past. I sigh, thinking that history does repeat itself. At least I didn’t fall for him.

———————————-
I squint my eyes as I find for Chenee. We were in the mall for our usual hang-out, and I forgot my glasses making it hard for me to look for my friend in the food court. I see a hand waving at me, and I walk towards it, hoping it was her. My whole body stiffens when I realize it was Michael, but it was too late to walk away. I haven’t seen him in school, avoiding him. I haven’t even replied to any of his texts. I respected guys who had girlfriends, because I knew how girls felt when their boyfriend is close to another girl.

“Hi Ann Ruby.”

He smiles at me, or I think he does, and I awkwardly smile back.

“Want to join us?”

My heart ached when he gestured to him and the canteen girl and I shake my head. And as if on cue, I see Carrie walk towards me with Divine.

“Where have you been? Chenee is over there.”

She points to the other side of the food court, and I squint my eyes to see Chenee. I say good bye to Michael and the still unnamed girl, and walk with my friends. I’ve known them for most of my life, and I rarely saw them because of our schedules at school.

“So who was that guy?” Divine asks.

“Nobody.”

They don’t ask further, and soon Stephanie, Alyssa and Le-an arrive.

“Where’s Hannah?” Alyssa asks as she sits down.

“I texted her, but she didn’t reply.”

Soon enough we were lost in each other’s conversations. Luckily we were in a more public place, therefore there were no old ladies to scold us for being noisy.We ended up deciding to watch a movie, and as we walk into the theater I saw a familiar tall figure sit in front of us. He was surprisingly alone, but I tried my best to focus on the movie. After the movie we all went home.

Unfortunately for me, Michael got on the jeepney I was riding in. He sat two people away from me, and I sighed with relief that I wouldn’t be facing him the whole ride home. The rest of the ride was uneventful, that was until I passed my fare to him. Our hands touched lightly, and that familiar spark traveled from my skin. Our eyes locked, and I immediately pulled my hand away and he passed my fare to the driver. I got out the jeepney when I saw my house, and I turned around without saying goodbye to him.
————————————
On the last day of the finals I was feeling sky high. I was finally over half of my junior year in college, and semestral break was just around the corner. I smiled to myself thinking that I would see my friends again and I was too much lost in thought that I bumped into someone.

“Sorry.”

“Did you know that was the first thing you said to me?”

My head immediately shot up, and I saw a grinning Michael looking down at me. I noticed that he had a new haircut, making him look more dreamy. I snapped my head back down, and walked away. I then felt sparks flowing from my arm, and I saw that Michael was holding it.

“Can we please talk?”

He looked at me with pleading eyes, and for some reason I nodded.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

I swallow hard, and I bravely look at him.

“Because you have a girlfriend” I whispered.

Silence took over, and I didn’t know if it was comfortable or not. I didn’t know if he heard me or not. I was just about to say it again when he cut me off.

“Sam isn’t my girlfriend. She’s my sister.”

My jaw dropped six feet into the ground, and my heart was beating lively after almost a month of staying still. He looked at me in the eye, and said.

“Did you really think I’d keep texting you if I had a girlfriend? I’m a loyal guy Ruby. I wouldn’t text someone I like if I had a girlfriend.

My lips curled a bit at what he said. But I was still speechless. All that effort to avoid him, and it was useless. Sparks once again flew when he held my hand. I was surprised, but I didn’t say anything. That’s when I realized that even though I tried to zoom out my feelings on him, my heart still squinted and zoomed in. We slowly made our way to the school gate, our hands still intertwined.
—————————————-

This story was fictional except for the characters that I based them upon.
Here’s Ann Ruby. She’s my superfriend in real life, super nice yet has the ability to be evil. 😀

And here’s our barkada:

Ann Ruby, Chenee, Divine, Alyssa, Stephanie, Carrie, Me, Sharmaine and Frances 🙂

As for Michael, he only exists in the vast world of fiction 😀

Yes or no?

My hands were sweaty and my feet were actually shaking. There she was, in all her beauty as we ran into each other in the empty hall of the school. She was with her classmate, and I was with a friend. She seemed to come out of nowhere, but I beamed. She was singing “All by myself” loudly,and immediately stopped when she saw me and smiled. She already knew I liked her. And she seems so cool with that fact. Ever since I admitted it to her last Saturday, I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t even wait til Monday came so I could see her again.

All day I’ve tried to catch a glimpse of her, and she seemed to pop out of nowhere just as I was thinking of her. It was like she read my mind or something. Although I chickened out to go to the cafeteria for lunch because I knew she would be there, I really wanted to see her. She gave my feet an extra bounce. When I saw her after lunch, she just pinched me and even noticed my haircut. I smiled widely, and pinched her back.

I’ve liked her for three years now, and I just came around to telling her because I knew after Graduation Day there was less chance to tell her. She made me feel like/love at first sight, since the moment I saw her face peering into our classroom looking for her friend when I was eleven(yes, ELEVEN). She swept me off my feet that moment, even though I should have done the sweeping since I was the guy. I met her officially through my friend, and with shaky hands and puberty peering everywhere, I introduced myself to her. I never wanted to wash my hands, especially when she said I was the first guy to shake her hand during introductions.

Now going back to what was really happening in front of me, I saw her turn to the left, going towards where I was headed. She was whispering something to her friend. Suddenly, I didn’t know what came over me, but I grabbed her arm and made her turn to me. Her friend walked on, not even noticing her absence. My friend walked on too, knowing what I was going to do.

I held her hand, and felt that it was soft and small. My heart raced faster than any car, as I knelt down in front of her, and I could see her blush. It was darn cute. I shook off the instinct of daydreaming, and looked up to her eyes. ‘You’re fourteen years old. Get a grip’ I told myself. I must have looked like a lost puppy before I finally blurted out:

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

I swear my heart stopped, waiting for her answer. She smiled, unable to control herself. She then whispered,

“Maybe.”

And walked away towards her friend. I was dumbfounded, and I grinned so much that my cheeks hurt. That one word, two syllables. Even when she said maybe, at least she didn’t say no right? I’m going to court her, like they did in the old days and then ask her again to be my girlfriend when the time is right.

(more than two years later, we’re still together)

That through which we see..

It’s something that enters your eye when your cries first echo into the world. Everything is blurry and unknown, and yet there is something bright, letting you know you’re alive. It’s something you see on top of a cake, as you blow it away with all your wishes buried deep in your heart. You look up and see everyone you love whose eyes reflect it. It’s something that illuminates the room when your alone crying, your hand clutching at a picture that you once lovingly looked upon. When everything seems like the opposite of it, you look up and you see that it was never gone. It is something that irritates you when your hangover kicks in, causing the throbbing in your head to worsen. You try to turn over and ignore it, but it creeps at you, trying to push you off your bed.

You feel it when you’re hugged tightly by someone you love, as your heart hammers inside your chest. You hear it when you’re in a beach all alone, as the waves crash into the sand. You taste it when your girlfriend kisses you, as you lick your lips to relish the feeling of her lips on yours as you drop her off at her house. You smell it in a flower patch or in a bakery, as it seeps into your nose and conjures up memories long forgotten.

It is something you see when the church doors open to reveal the love of your life walking down the aisle. You see it glitter in her eyes as you slip in the ring on her finger, and you see it again in her smile. It is something you see when you see your child for the first time, as you lull him/her in your arms. You feel like a big giant compared to them, but you don’t care. You’re going to give them everything anyway. It is something that escapes you when you see your wife happy with someone else. You feel robbed and fooled, as you hold in the tears that threaten to fall. But when you see her again it’s like it never happened, and you love her just as much.

You feel it when you see your child fussing over her wedding dress, as she tries to hide the excitement she feels. Although she is being taken away from you, you don’t feel it. Because you know she has chosen well, and she’s happy. You hear it when your daughter’s child giggles when you hold her, the way she babbles nonsense words at you. You taste it when your favorite food collides in your mouth, as you chew it slowly, savoring every bitterness or sweetness.You smell it in the morning as your wife hums slowly while clutching the spatula in her hand. You never notice the way her voice breaks, or the tear stains in her eyes. You just know you feel happy with her in your home.

It is something that you see fifty times on a cake when your kids come over your house. It’s something that reflects on your eyeglass when a flash illuminates the faces of your kids and grand kids. You see it in your her eyes, but sadly it is when she stares at her husband. Your heart breaks a little, yet you smile at them, letting them know that it’s okay. It is something that dances in your living room as it catches the curtains of your house. It is something that spreads into your house, as you desperately try to escape the suffocating air.

You smell it when you’re finally out of the house, although you cough several times. You taste it when water finally enters your mouth, satisfying a thirst you never knew was there. You hear it from her voice, coaxing you to stay awake. You feel it when she holds your hand, vanishing all the pains you’ve felt all these years without her.

It is something that you see, a small dot, a small tunnel. You try to grasp for it, you try to reach it. You hear her voice somewhere, but it doesn’t matter anymore. You try to reach for that something, afraid it might go away. And when you do reach it, you breath in the new air, as your cries once again echoes for the first time into the world, this time as another soul.

Light.

My 50th blog post :D

Eeeeep! I can’t believe it. After I started my blog in 2011, I honestly didn’t know what to do. At that time I was just entering college, a realist optimist fifteen year old. I had a lot of drafts, but I never published them. Just then, last May 14,2012 I began to write again. I posted random thoughts, mostly about things I’ve experienced or learned. And now, I can’t believe that I’ve reached the fiftieth! I

know it’s not that big of a stepping stone, but hey, I love the little things. I just want to say thank you for all those who have read, commented and cheered me on. I thank my mom for her support and critiques, my friends who like my posts, to those readers that I don’t know but I love so much, to Anthony who read my posts before anyone did, to Ma’am Jessa Amarille who taught English 5 last sem which inspired me to write every week, to the Facebook groups, to everyone else who inspired me and of course Him. Thank you so much. I have much to learn, I have much to achieve. I won’t talk about anything specific here, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone.

And it’s fairly apt that I post this on the last day of August, seeing as it this month has been the best month for my blog. I have developed immensely, have written and posted whenever I felt like it, and I’ve reached 6k views! 😀

To those who want to read more, here they are!

First kisses and sloppy nightmares

He tilts your chin up, and looks deeply into your eyes. You notice the things you haven’t notice before. Like his eyes are really light brown, that his nose has a faint mole on the right, and that his cheeks actually blush. And then you look down. You see the red, almost heart shaped lips, then you notice that he’s looking at your lips too. You shy away, afraid that he may see how imperfect
you are. But no, he holds your chin up, and smiles at you. Butterflies rapidly form in your stomach, and your heart beats loud you’re afraid that he might hear it. He then leans in, and you automatically shut your eyes. He chuckles, and when you open your eyes he’s smiling at you.

“You.are.beautiful” He whispers, his hot breath touching your lips.

He looks into your eyes again, and then finally swoops down for the kiss. Your eyes close dramatically, as you melt like ice cream on a hot summer day. You feel his soft lips that’s almost like marshmallow. You don’t know what to do, but like instinct you kiss back. You run your fingers along his curly hair, and you smile in the kiss. You don’t just feel fireworks. You feel love. You feel it pouring from his lips, the warm, untamed love. When he pulls away you feel disappointed, but that quickly changes when he presses his forehead on yours. He kisses you nose, and holds your hand like how Tarzan did when he met Jane. In this moment, it’s perfect.

Heart warming isn’t it? We all dream that our first kisses start that way. But as cruel as reality is, it doesn’t work out that way. Some are fortunate, but for us regular folks we have our first kisses in either the most awkward way possible, or the most shocking way. So for those hopeless romantics like me, here are different types of first kisses that I have noted down from friends and online confessions. To be specific these are kisses on the lips by people who aren’t included in your family.

Sloppy Joe- Imagine a fish. Slimy, gross and has its mouth open. Now imagine having that as your first kiss. The poor guy has been nervous as hell during your date, has slippery hands and has been sweating a lot. When he leans in for a kiss he excuses himself to sneeze or he just sneezes at your face. But since you’re excited, you don’t mind. And when he finally kisses you, you now know why you have to cook a fish before you eat it.

Smack Macky– Now this kiss is just plain evil. It’s over before it even began. The dude steals a kiss, and not in a romantic way. He literally has stolen your first kiss, scarring you for life. But if the guy is your crush/dating you, you’re kinda lucky. Some unfortunate souls had their first kiss by a complete stranger! Talk about stranger danger.

Morning Manny- This kind of kiss usually happens during sleepovers and camping. You’re sleeping soundly, and all of the sudden you wake up face to face with a guy. And for some apparent reason, your lips are within kissing range. Before you could vavoom your way out of there, the guy moves, causing the two of you to lip lock your way into losing the virginity of your lips. Now that’s harsh.

Accidental Ace- Just like Smacky Macky, this may come from a total stranger. Now we can all imagine this kiss as we’ve read this a lot and seen this in movies. You’re just doing your own thing, you trip at someone and both of you come tumbling down. The next thing you know both of your lips are together, and you’re too shocked to move. You may think this only happens in movies, but I tell you, it has happened in real life.

Mismatch Mark– You know how sometimes you kiss someone’s cheek? Well imagine you’re kissing someone’s cheek at the same time that guy tries to kiss you on the cheek too. The catch? Both of you try to kiss on the same side. The outcome? Both of you kissed each other on the lips instead of the cheeks. Now this has happened to me, fortunately with a close girl friend. But how about those who got kissed by someone they met, or even their boss as they greeted each other? Awkward? Yes. Irreversible? No.

Spark-less Sam- Now this guy planned everything. He got you a nice reservation for a table for two, both of you danced, ate and had fun. Just as he walks you to your door, he smiles at you. You know you’re going to get kissed. He then leans down, and finally he kisses you. He pulls away, looking at the floor. He holds your hand, and looks at you with a sad smile. “I don’t think this is going to work out. I didn’t feel any spark. I’m sorry.” He then walks away and gives you a small excuse for a wave. You stand there dumbfounded, scratching your head, and walk inside. Since when was is that the guy looked for sparks?

Tongueful Tate- Now this is Sloppy Joe but on a less level. Or worse. You decide when you kiss a guy for the first time and he sticks his tongue down your throat like he’s giving you resuscitation. Hell, even first aid isn’t like that. He seems to be brushing your teeth too. Now all you need is mouthwash and maybe a bit of brainwash and you’re good to go.

Devious Daniel- The name says it all. It’s that creepy guy who has a thing for being a girl’s first, and he does these evil plans to be the first to taste. He may kiss you when you’re happily dozing off to dreamland, or he leans into your side and calls your name. SMACK! You’d never know what’s coming. Shame on these guy, they deserve to be smacked too. In the head. With a hardbound book.

Bad-breath Brad- Now this guy has no respect for you or himself. He kisses like he hasn’t heard of breath mint, and he isn’t ashamed. Some girl have actually barfed, cried and had nightmares. Nah I’m just exaggerating. They didn’t cry.

So far, these are the kind of first kisses that I know of. Not that I tried them all! No offense to those guys who are named the same with my classifications. I know your face is scrunching just imagining these kisses, and I’m afraid I’m about to throw up too. But before we head to the bathroom and empty our stomachs, what was your first kiss like?

Writing Prompt – Happiness is..

The internet is a beautiful thing. It has the cure for every little thing-even a case of writer’s block. For me, it wasn’t really writer’s block. I wanted to write, but I just didn’t have any idea what to write about. So as I was surfing the net, I found this beautiful site, aptly named as Language is a virus. And as I clicked on the Generate New Writing Prompt button, I got a new list every time. And now I’m on the site every time. Most of them are really helpful, some are funny and I get a rush every time I finish one. My favorite one, is write 10 sentences starting with Happiness is.. here it is. 🙂

Happiness is a beautiful love song that plays that just lifts your spirits. It makes you feel giddy as the song plays as if it was for you. Just like this one.
Happiness is finding five pesos after enduring hours of being so hungry. Your stomach grumbles but you know you don’t have enough money. And out of nowhere, a shiny five pesos! Now you can buy bread! (pan de sal anyone?)
Happiness is hearing your favorite song on the radio and just belting out the lyrics like some crazy person. You feel free as you do that dance you do when no one’s watching.
Happiness is receiving a warm hug after you’ve been crying. You feel that certain warmth seep through your body after crying so hard. Your tears dry on the person’s shoulder, as they say sweet words to calm you down.
Happiness is staring into someone’s eyes and you see their pupils dilate. And that someone is your crush.
Happiness is getting a good grade for something you worked hard on. You just want to fist pump the air and hug your professor so hard they might consider failing you.
Happiness is tasting your favorite ice cream after having a cough for a month. The way the taste melts in your mouth, the way it rolls down your throat.
Happiness is going through your old things, remembering the memories that went with it. Whether good or bad, or something stupid you did then, you know those memories became the reason why you are the way you are.
Happiness is seeing your family happy. Their happiness radiates toward you, and you can’t help but smile with them.
Happiness is laughing so hard with your friends that your stomach and cheeks hurt. But you just can’t stop laughing.

So there’s my list. I hope it somehow brightened your day, and I hope you make a list like that too. It really does make you feel happy. Just remember, happiness is a choice, a choice not everyone makes. 🙂