Love in the time of Haiyan



Here are short love stories that have been passed by the mouth. They are real stories about Taclobanons during and after the storm. I have written them in the character’s perspective, making it sort of fiction yet the gist of the story is still there. 


Swept away


As the flood water entered our house, I could hear the muffled cries of my kids upstairs. My wife and I were up on a table, trying to save as much furniture as we could. She passed me the DVD player while I carried it upstairs. We did this as fast as we could, the water looking like it would be at knee level. The wind roared outside, and I could feel my ears going deaf because of how strong it was.

“Check on the kids honey. Antonio may be hungry.” My wife said, painting a smile on her face. I nodded, and kissed her on the cheek.

“Antonio? Leah? Are you kids okay?” I said as I climbed the last step of the stairs.

“Papa! The water is entering our room!” Leah panicked, hugging my waist tightly. I made my way to their room, and sure enough water was slowly getting into the room because of their shattered window.

“Get into the master’s bedroom now!” I bellowed.

“Where’s Mama?” Antonio asked, his eyes wet with tears.

I ran towards the stairs as fast as I could. The water was rushing in with the wind ushering it, our door broken in half. I looked onto the spot where I left her, looking for that reassuring smile that could lift spirits. But what I only saw water raging our house with gusto.

That’s when I realized, she was gone.


Looking for her

I smiled when I woke up because I knew I’d find her today.

Left and right I would see debris and fallen trees as I made my way towards Tacloban. People were walking beside me, like zombies looking for brains. There were zipped up bodies everywhere, and my heart wretched at the possibility that she could be in one of them.

“Noel! You’re alive!” Julio made his way towards me, a smile on his face. He gestured to give me a hug, but I shook my head.

“I’m looking for Leila. Have you seen her? She said she was going back.”

Julio shook his head, then gave me a pat on the back before leaving. The streets were becoming unrecognizable because of the missing buildings as I made my way towards downtown. Some people were crying as they carried dead bodies, and some people had blood trickling down their leg. When I was near the church, I saw her walking towards the gate.

“Leila! Leila!” I grabbed her shoulder, which made her jerk towards me. “Where have you been?”

“Who are you?” 

It turned out that it wasn’t her. I said my apologies to the woman, then began to look for her again. As the sun made its way down, I felt dismayed I didn’t  find her, but tomorrow is always another day. When I saw my house I saw a newly dug grave beside it. I felt enraged that someone would bury their dead beside my house, so I marched towards the grave and intended to pull out the body. There was a cross on top of it, with a writing on it.

“Leila Montenegro”

A thousand memories flashed, the last one showing how I buried her lifeless body beside the house. I began to cry hysterically, thrashing out on her grave. Five neighbors carried me towards the house, the floors filled with mud and rain water. I thanked them, and soon fell asleep.

When morning came, I smiled to myself. I’m going to find her today.


Almost Saved


When I woke up, I saw water slowly making its way to my room. Panic began to surge through my veins, as my laptop that I placed on the floor began to float. I instantly grabbed it, along with my other things and climbed the top of the bunk bed.  I don’t know why I didn’t wake up when the storm started, as the wind seemed to be roaring to make its presence known. Since I lived in the dorm room all by myself, no one could have warned me. Haiyan began to whistle, like a scary movie about to take me.

“Help! Help!” I screamed, trying to get the attention of the others. 

The lights were off, making matters worse. My window was already shattered into pieces, and outside I could see the water rushing onto houses with force. I cringed when I saw one of the roofs flying through the sky, along with big leaves from coconut trees. The water below me began to rise, but I had no way out. Who knows how deep the water is on the first floor. I began to call out to the others again, but no one seemed to answer. I began to worry about my dorm-mates who lived in the first floor, who were heavy sleepers like me.

When I looked at the mirror that I hung on my wall, I saw my swollen eyes and red nose. I remembered how I broke up with Mike last night, with things getting nasty. I felt my eyes began to tear up again, as there was a chance that I might never see him again. Though I hated his guts, he was still my first love.

“Katy! Katy!” I must have been hallucinating, because I knew I heard his voice. “Katy where are you?”

My heart began to beat hysterically, threatening to leap out of my chest. The water was about waist level now, and I knew no one could survive coming here. Especially if they came for me. I soon saw a flashlight come through the bottom of my door as it reflected onto the water. 

“Mike! I’m in my room! Mike, I’m here!” The door flung open, and revealed a very soaked version of my supposedly ex boyfriend. The water was at his stomach level, and with the door open it made the water rise faster. 

“Come on Katy! Everyone is on the third floor!” I was about to jump onto his open arms when the water began to rise to his chest. His eyes widened, and he climbed up next to me. I immediately hugged him, forgetting for a moment that this guy was a jerk. The water continued to rise as we backed up against the wall, the cold wind entering the room. My teeth began to clatter, so he hugged me tighter.

“Some rescue huh?” He said, his voice reverberating in his chest. When I looked up he was smiling at me like an idiot, and I jokingly punched his arm. The storm still raged outside, and the water was now almost near the second bunk bed.

“What if we die here?” I asked, my voice small. 

“Then I’d be happy I died with you.”


That was the last thing I heard him say, before flood water from our window came gushing in, filling my lungs with water. My hand grabbed his with all my strength, before I blacked out.


——————————————–
The last story was inspired by someone telling me about people finding a body of a male and female holding hands and frozen. May all of the souls in these stories rest in peace.

Bitterly in love

His lips slowly touch my ears, and he says “I love you.” I turn away from him, giving him a pointed look. It was in a way a PDA (public display of affection), and I hated PDA. And he knew it too. I scowl at him, and walk away from him. As predicted he runs after me, and once again anger seeps into my body when he grabs my hand. I ignore the butterflies in my stomach and I squat his hand away. His face shows a hint of sadness, but he walks behind me anyway.

A moment later I lace my fingers with his, and he smiles at me. I know he’s confused, but so am I. We walk together hand-in-hand, doing a HHWW (holding hands while walking), when I suddenly jerk my hand away from him. He whimpers, yes whimpers like a puppy, but doesn’t say anything. Next thing I know I pull him into a hug, and he smiles widely, almost creepily. I ignore him for the next few minutes, and he tries to get my attention. I notice him, then I push away again. Trust me, this is how I normally am. Confusing? Yes. But before you start throwing rocks at me for being cruel to him, hear me out.

Let me start from the beginning. I was and is currently a hopeless romantic. From the ripe age of four, Disney has filled my mind with thoughts of a prince on a white horse. I had my first crush when I was five, and until now I know his name. I loved pictures of married couples, and I even kept a picture of my parent’s wedding in a “treasure box”. I grew up seeing my parents in love, and I always wanted something like that. I had a few crushes along the way to high school (like 10 maybe?), and I made my first love story at 11. I loved to day dream of being swept off my feet, by some handsome rich guy. I even made a whole checklist about what I wanted in a guy. Disney does that to kids. So I bet you’re wondering how that girl became this bitter almost-lady?

If some of you have read about my post on bullies, they were one of the factors. A lot of people ridiculed my thoughts of love, but it wasn’t the reason I despise it. When I reached high school, I began to read more mature novels, and in plain language I was exposed to the heartbreaks of love. Seeing my friends fall in and out of love, I began to doubt it. But a part of me still believed in love. Little did I know that small spark of optimism in me though I was faced with reality shaped my personality of being a realist optimist. And when I felt my first heartbreak, I was a bit dramatic. I forced, yes, forced, myself to cry, listened to sad songs and I wrote. After a few minutes I felt pathetic, and I mentally promised myself to try to not be that pathetic again. That’s when I kind of numbed my heart from love, yet still believing that it existed. A complete paradox, but hey, life isn’t a straight line.

And so you could imagine a sappy romantic who cried over sad novels, who wears her heart on her sleeve, be so negative when it came to love. A few years more I experienced more heartbreaks, a lot of them self-inflicted, but I didn’t cry over them that much. That was until I fell in love with someone. Someone who I’d frantically catch before hitting the ground, after pushing him off the balcony.

Love really is crazy. Just when I felt genuinely crazy with this guy, my realist side knows not to get too attached. I know the way my eyes dilate when I see him, the way I can’t help but smile when he looks at me, the way everything feels right, it just scares me. I easily cry over stupid arguments, but I quickly recover, putting on a numb facade. Then it quickly melts when I hear his voice over the phone crying, or something bad happens to him. Even when I’m monumentally angry, it quickly disappears when I feel that he needs me. It’s frustratingly sweet, the way that no matter how I tell him to get lost, he bounces his way towards me, his heart bare, a yellow rose in hand, and a sorry smile on his face. It’s a crazy love-hate relationship, the hate mostly coming from me.

But I guess that’s love you know? Even when that person is on your number one hit list, you’d still drop everything to be by their side when they need you. And you know that they would do the same with you. ♥
________________________
to get more imagination on what I do to the poor boy, here’s the exaggerated version.
p.s., i love adam levine. 😀

First kisses and sloppy nightmares

He tilts your chin up, and looks deeply into your eyes. You notice the things you haven’t notice before. Like his eyes are really light brown, that his nose has a faint mole on the right, and that his cheeks actually blush. And then you look down. You see the red, almost heart shaped lips, then you notice that he’s looking at your lips too. You shy away, afraid that he may see how imperfect
you are. But no, he holds your chin up, and smiles at you. Butterflies rapidly form in your stomach, and your heart beats loud you’re afraid that he might hear it. He then leans in, and you automatically shut your eyes. He chuckles, and when you open your eyes he’s smiling at you.

“You.are.beautiful” He whispers, his hot breath touching your lips.

He looks into your eyes again, and then finally swoops down for the kiss. Your eyes close dramatically, as you melt like ice cream on a hot summer day. You feel his soft lips that’s almost like marshmallow. You don’t know what to do, but like instinct you kiss back. You run your fingers along his curly hair, and you smile in the kiss. You don’t just feel fireworks. You feel love. You feel it pouring from his lips, the warm, untamed love. When he pulls away you feel disappointed, but that quickly changes when he presses his forehead on yours. He kisses you nose, and holds your hand like how Tarzan did when he met Jane. In this moment, it’s perfect.

Heart warming isn’t it? We all dream that our first kisses start that way. But as cruel as reality is, it doesn’t work out that way. Some are fortunate, but for us regular folks we have our first kisses in either the most awkward way possible, or the most shocking way. So for those hopeless romantics like me, here are different types of first kisses that I have noted down from friends and online confessions. To be specific these are kisses on the lips by people who aren’t included in your family.

Sloppy Joe- Imagine a fish. Slimy, gross and has its mouth open. Now imagine having that as your first kiss. The poor guy has been nervous as hell during your date, has slippery hands and has been sweating a lot. When he leans in for a kiss he excuses himself to sneeze or he just sneezes at your face. But since you’re excited, you don’t mind. And when he finally kisses you, you now know why you have to cook a fish before you eat it.

Smack Macky– Now this kiss is just plain evil. It’s over before it even began. The dude steals a kiss, and not in a romantic way. He literally has stolen your first kiss, scarring you for life. But if the guy is your crush/dating you, you’re kinda lucky. Some unfortunate souls had their first kiss by a complete stranger! Talk about stranger danger.

Morning Manny- This kind of kiss usually happens during sleepovers and camping. You’re sleeping soundly, and all of the sudden you wake up face to face with a guy. And for some apparent reason, your lips are within kissing range. Before you could vavoom your way out of there, the guy moves, causing the two of you to lip lock your way into losing the virginity of your lips. Now that’s harsh.

Accidental Ace- Just like Smacky Macky, this may come from a total stranger. Now we can all imagine this kiss as we’ve read this a lot and seen this in movies. You’re just doing your own thing, you trip at someone and both of you come tumbling down. The next thing you know both of your lips are together, and you’re too shocked to move. You may think this only happens in movies, but I tell you, it has happened in real life.

Mismatch Mark– You know how sometimes you kiss someone’s cheek? Well imagine you’re kissing someone’s cheek at the same time that guy tries to kiss you on the cheek too. The catch? Both of you try to kiss on the same side. The outcome? Both of you kissed each other on the lips instead of the cheeks. Now this has happened to me, fortunately with a close girl friend. But how about those who got kissed by someone they met, or even their boss as they greeted each other? Awkward? Yes. Irreversible? No.

Spark-less Sam- Now this guy planned everything. He got you a nice reservation for a table for two, both of you danced, ate and had fun. Just as he walks you to your door, he smiles at you. You know you’re going to get kissed. He then leans down, and finally he kisses you. He pulls away, looking at the floor. He holds your hand, and looks at you with a sad smile. “I don’t think this is going to work out. I didn’t feel any spark. I’m sorry.” He then walks away and gives you a small excuse for a wave. You stand there dumbfounded, scratching your head, and walk inside. Since when was is that the guy looked for sparks?

Tongueful Tate- Now this is Sloppy Joe but on a less level. Or worse. You decide when you kiss a guy for the first time and he sticks his tongue down your throat like he’s giving you resuscitation. Hell, even first aid isn’t like that. He seems to be brushing your teeth too. Now all you need is mouthwash and maybe a bit of brainwash and you’re good to go.

Devious Daniel- The name says it all. It’s that creepy guy who has a thing for being a girl’s first, and he does these evil plans to be the first to taste. He may kiss you when you’re happily dozing off to dreamland, or he leans into your side and calls your name. SMACK! You’d never know what’s coming. Shame on these guy, they deserve to be smacked too. In the head. With a hardbound book.

Bad-breath Brad- Now this guy has no respect for you or himself. He kisses like he hasn’t heard of breath mint, and he isn’t ashamed. Some girl have actually barfed, cried and had nightmares. Nah I’m just exaggerating. They didn’t cry.

So far, these are the kind of first kisses that I know of. Not that I tried them all! No offense to those guys who are named the same with my classifications. I know your face is scrunching just imagining these kisses, and I’m afraid I’m about to throw up too. But before we head to the bathroom and empty our stomachs, what was your first kiss like?

Don’t break a writer’s heart



Never break the heart of a writer, because it’s just a recipe for disaster. -imperfect princess

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she’ll remember every little detail about you.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she’ll write about you. She’ll write about your weird personality. She’d write about how you snore at night and how it fills the dark room with a monstrous sound escaping your lips. She’d write about every moment you made her cry, like that day when you forgot to call her even when you knew she was sick. She’d write about the times you flirted with other girls in front of her, how you made her feel like there was a competition for your attention.

She’d even write about how oily your face was, and how her lips would feel slippery after she kisses your cheek. She’d write about the times you hands felt clammy, and how she would just wipe her hands on her pants after you held hands. She’d write about your bathroom voice, the way the earth seemed to shake when you sang that high note of “I will always love you”. Writers love to exaggerate, they just go over the top.
She’d tell about the times she cried when you’d cancel your date, only to find out you went to the bar with your friends when you stupidly post pictures on Facebook. She’ll exploit every flaw and every failure, her heart slowly mending with every word while you become a fictional monster character in her poems and stories.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she can make you fall in love with her again. She’ll write stories about how you met. She’ll write about how it felt on your first date, the way you opened the car door for her. She’ll write about the way you made a move to kiss her cheek, but she moved her face at the same time and both of you ended up sharing your first kiss. She’d write about the crazy things you did for her, like doing a harana in front of their house. She’d write about how your voice made the dogs howl, but it made her smile never the less.

She’d even write about the time both of you were sitting down and watching the sun set, your arms around her shoulder. She’d write in detail how she perfectly fit on your shoulder, and the way you’d sniff her hair in a funny way. She’d say the things she wanted to say to you, like she never had any other crush since she fell for you. She’d send butterflies into your stomach, remembering each moment. She’ll pour out every amazing moment, and while your heart breaks in two, her heart strengthens and hopes for a better tomorrow. You’ll be a knight in shining armor, the one who saves her at the end of a grueling day.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, cause it will be both heaven and hell.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because goodbye might be the last thing you’d ever tell.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she’d make you eat your words.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because doing that would just be absurd.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because soon you’d just be another character in her stories.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she can easily heal before you could say sorry.

Trust me, I know. I’m a writer after all. 🙂

Red String of Fate

“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,
regardless of time, place, or circumstance.
The thread may stretch or tangle,
but it will never break.”
– an ancient Chinese belief

Beautiful isn’t it? The way we could imagine that somewhere out there, we are meant for someone. Contrary to what people may usually think, being destined to be with someone doesn’t automatically mean romantically. And this old Chinese belief proves that. It simply means that someone out there is meant to be your friend, to be your companion. It means that no matter the distance or the things you do, you will meet at a certain time when fate decides it. It’s nice to think that everything you do has a reason. That the people you meet, the things that have happened to you whether good or bad, the experiences you went through is part of some thought of plan. It makes you think of the butterfly effect. That one thing you do could affect so many things. A smile could make someone’s day, or a spiteful conversation could send someone into a depression. Come to think of it, we really are connected to each other for some reason. This makes you think about what you do. It makes you feel conscious about what you say or do to people because one mistake could ruin someone’s life. 


Going over to the romantic side of this belief (as I am a hopeless romantic), this belief is the Chinese version of “soul mates”. Nowadays, people rarely do believe in it. Especially with all the overuse of the word “love” in the wrong way. The problem with us humans is that we settle on what is given and we make the abnormal things normal. For example the fact that more and more marriages fail- people nowadays think its a norm. No one ever looks outside the box and sees two people who were afraid to try harder. Another example is that most people settle for what is there. Call me a sappy romantic, but why do you settle for sparks when you can have fireworks? Why settle for someone you can live with rather than a person you can’t live without? These two problems can be solved by one thing: take a chance. Despite what movies and books tell you, no one really dares to take a chance unless life threatens you to. 

That’s the main problem of humanity. Everyone is afraid of being rejected, of being humiliated  of being seen as an outcast. Well you know what? I’ve lived my whole life taking chances. I take things as they go, following my gut the whole way. I’ve been bruised too many times and I’ve got the scars to show it. But no matter what, you’ve just got to keep going. Like Dory said in Finding Nemo, you’ve got to keep swimming. The world is vast ocean. And if the Chinese knew their beliefs, no matter how far you go, the person you’re bound to be with will turn up sooner or later. 

Do you know the cute little story behind the “Red String of Fate”? There was a kid who saw an old man. The old man said that there was a red string that connected people who were meant to be. The kid, as naive as he was, said that he was never getting married. The old man brought the kid to a small village and pointed towards a girl whom the kid was destined to be with. The boy threw a rock at the poor girl and ran away. A few years later, the boy was going to get into an arranged marriage. The night before the marriage, he asked to see the woman’s face. He saw that she was beautiful, but she was hiding something. She then revealed that she had a scar on her face because a rock hit her face when she was a kid. 

Fate can be a real troublemaker  It can make or break a person. But like a parent, it knows your best interests. Sooner or later you’d see your life unfold, and piece by piece you’d see that everything happened for a reason. Not everything may be explained now, but someday it will be. Till then learn to take a chance. You’ll never know where you’d find yourself. 🙂

LDR (long distance relationship)


Have you ever heard of the saying: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? I’ve revised that. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, farther yet stronger.
In this generation, with internet and cell phones connecting people easily from one part of the world to the other, long distance relationships have become rampant. More and more people become a couple via text, chat or by the thousands of online dating sites. And as I have heard, read and even recently experienced, maintaining a long distance relationship(LDR) is never easy.
My mom and dad have known each other for almost 30 years. And since day one, they’ve been in a long distance relationship. They even met through my dad’s niece who gave dad mom’s address. Since dad was taking up college out in the province and mom lived in the city, they formed their relationship through snail mail. And as mischievous as I am, I’ve seen and (secretly) read almost all of their letters. And if people nowadays think that maintaining a long distance relationship is hard with the technology that we have, they have to think again.
Back then, before internet and cellular phones were accessible to the public, people wrote letters. Handwritten or using a typewriter, it was more personal in a way. They would then send these letters through the post office, and patiently wait SEVEN days before the letter arrived to their receiver. Then they would have to wait ANOTHER seven days, to receive the reply. Harsh right? All in all you have to wait 2 weeks to receive a reply. That is IF the person actually replies. Imagine yourself waiting for the mailman to drop off letters at your house. Waiting for a letter that may or may not arrive. Imagine writing a letter to someone, telling them to meet you at this certain place at a certain time, and you just wait there, hoping they got the message?
It was hard, but my parents endured that. Since after college my dad worked overseas, there were more complications. I read in some letters that it took LONGER than seven days for the letter to arrive. Sometimes these letters would get switched up. And worse, sometimes the letters were lost in the mail somewhere. They went through this until I was almost six years old, when we finally got a personal computer at home where we could email dad easily. So it took thirteen years before my mom and dad could communicate properly, and yet their love stood strong through the currents of life.
Nowadays we rarely hear these types of stories. With the magic of the internet, you could easily video chat them and feel like you’re with each other.You could easily update yourself on what your significant other is doing by checking out their Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. You can text them without waiting two whole weeks for a reply unless they have a good reason for doing so. But although the communication part of long distance relationships are significantly better than before, the feeling of being in an LDR is more or less still the same.
There is that feeling of facing things by yourself.  You know you can’t always depend on him/her to hold your hand when you’re about to receive important news. They’re not there to really help you when you’re in trouble because all they’ll know is how you solved the problem. You don’t have a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold on to. There is just you and a person miles away.
Missing them. There are just moments when it hits you. When there’s no one to carry your heavy bag, no one to kiss you when it starts to rain, when you go home to an empty house. It’s like you’re always daydreaming that they’re there with you. You sometimes loose focus on the things that you’re doing. You forget things, you’re easily distracted and in rare cases, your body feels unloved. Although the person is there for you 24/7, there is still that feeling that they should have been here, that they should be with you right now. It’s the hardest part of it. Knowing that they should be there with you, but they’re not.

You grow apart. As cliche as it may sound, change is really inevitable. You can’t control your surroundings, and neither can you control the surrounding of the person you love. Your interests, likes and dislikes eventually change. So does your partner. There is the risk that whenever you meet in person, you have a hard time adjusting to who they have become. Whether change for the better or for the worst, it depends upon you and your partner. No matter how many times a day you see your partner through video chat or talking to them on the phone, things change in between the times you’re talking to each other and the times that you’re not.
Keeping things interesting. There are some couples who lasted five years without seeing each other in person. There are some couples who have seen each other almost everyday of their life, yet are torn by distance all of the sudden. So how do you keep your romance at check? This is a challenge. You have to think of things to help your relationship exciting. This is where you send surprise gifts, send them e-cards or videos of yourself for them. You just have to keep the ball rolling.

Temptations. Now these are the deal breakers of long distance relationships. When you’re apart from your partner, you feel emotionally incomplete. And when a person comes along who somehow fills that emotional need, you tend to fall for them. The best way to avoid temptations as such is to remember that everything you are doing is for the future of both of you. That everyone around you who may tempt you are only temporary, just a by passer. Remember you’re committed to someone, not everyone.
Waiting. They always say that you should look at the glass half full. That means you must try your best not to think how many days it has been til you’ve last seen them. Rather, think about how near you are to the day that you would melt in their arms. Cheesy, I know, but that’s how we keep ourselves alive. We have to encourage ourselves to think of the crazy things we want to do with them when you finally meet after all this time. Knowing fully that all of your plans will fade when you see them because all you want to do is be with them no matter where the both of you are or what you’re doing.

The anxiousness of meeting. No matter how many times you’ve seen each other before, there is still that excited feeling of holding their hand again, feeling their arms around you, and even when you kiss. There is the question of chemistry, that no matter how often your communication is, it will be further tested when you meet them in person. 
The knowledge that after hello, there would be goodbye. Even when you’re together, there is that nagging feeling that you won’t see each other again for another few weeks or months. Your mind seems to teleport to the future when you’re not together and this leaves you in pieces. The hardest part really is goodbye, when there is the uncertainty of when you’d meet again. This makes the person usually scared of being with his/her partner rather than enjoying the moments spent together.
But in the end, I believe that the people who survive long distance relationships are the strongest people out there. They strive their best not to get tempted, not to fall out of love. They trust with all their heart, even when everything seems doubtful. Their love reaches out through the land and sea that keeps them apart. They conquer every obstacle, and they do their best to succeed for the sake of the other. They spend their days counting to the moment where they’d meet their beloved one. And when they gloriously meet and they have the opportunity to stay, that’s the best part. This is when we know that love really knows no distance. 🙂

Shedding hope (how to cry)

Everyone does it more than once in their life. For women, we do it more often than men. Or maybe men hide it better than we do. You know what I’m talking about. That moment when someone breaks your heart, when you get disappointed about something, when you’re left alone to yourself, or things just aren’t going your way? And then when you get into your room and everything just pours out? That’s right. As Buford of Phinneas and Ferb says, “sweating through our eyes.” Or in lay man’s terms, “crying”. So here are simple steps on how to cry:
Set the mood. Put on some sad music. If you’ve just broken up over a guy, play the song that best reminds you of him. If your best friend isn’t noticing you anymore, play that playlist that you made whenever you’d get together. Make sure to tell people around you to not to disturb you and warn them of weeping monsters that may appear in your room when they start hearing noises. Then go to your room, make sure to lock the door. Put up pillows around you. Turn off the lights and get hold of at least 2 boxes of tissue paper. Get a paper bag ready in case you reach to the point when you can’t breathe well. Fill a whole pitcher with water. Refrain from lighting candles as there is a possibility that you may burn the house down.
Visualize. Think about what you could have done if you won that beauty contest. Think about what you could have achieved if you aced that exam. Think about that bully that taunted you for being too skinny. Think about every detail: the cash prize received by the other contestant, the face of your parents when they find out you failed, and the pimples on your enemy’s face. If you have pictures, put them around you. Imagine everything your brain could come up with. Put up the image in your brain and don’t wipe it away.
Put away sharp and poisonous objects. Prevention is better than cure. So you better prevent tempting yourself to end your life just because your wish on a magical star didn’t come true. Most suicides are because of people crying their eyes out and the first thing they see is a knife. Stray from scissors, blades, and sleeping pills and if possible, tie your legs together and handcuff yourself.
Start crying. Don’t hold anything back. Scream, throw pillows, rip apart pictures, you can even murmur things to yourself. Just don’t hurt yourself. Say curse words, sing with the damn song, and just let things roll. Just go crazy. Just think about everything that made you feel like the lowest critter in the universe. Make sure that you let everything out, never leaving something for later. Just let it out. Imagine you’re a actress and your career depends on how you cry. Imagine you’re Kris Aquino or Kathryn Bernardo and you just lost your man to your best friend. You never know if you’re crying might get you an Oscar one day.
Clean up. Organize your desktop. Delete the files that remind you of what you just went through. Throw or give away the clothes that remind you of that person because I guarantee you that even after a few years, you’d still be reminded of the times you wore that clothing. So just clean everything up till you reach the point that nothing material can make you remember things.
Write it down. So history won’t repeat itself, write. Just free write everything you ever think about and don’t stop for a mistake or a grammar correction. Just write it all down. You can burn it, or seal it tight. You’d never know when our deepest darkest experiences may be of use someday. If you’re not that good at writing, it’s okay. No one else will read it other than you.
Move on. So you’ve cried it all out, and nothing is left. That’s a good thing. It’s better to let it out than to bottle it all in. And remember this famous mantra: you have to walk before you run. So take things slow. Don’t rush yourself into feeling better. Change is more gradual than you may expect it to be, so just take each day with hope that you may never go through it again. Do better. Everything is in the past and it happened for a reason.
And always remember, there’s always a rainbow after the rain. Something better is out there for you, and it would happen when you least expect it. The best stories in life happen when you get the courage to stand up after you fall. And no matter how many bruises you’ll get along the way, remember the people who were there for you and appreciate them. You’re not getting any younger, so don’t waste your time crying about one thing over and over. Great things are ahead, so stop putting your head down and look straight up with a smile.

Complete

In novels and romantic movies, the hero or heroine use up the whole story line because they want to find someone who completes them. In reality, my mom taught me otherwise. Now you have to understand that my mom and I don’t usually talk about love, we just love to watch sappy stories on the television. But one day, I just had a big fight with my boyfriend. My family knew about it, because the next day after our fight, my eyes were swelling from crying. Suddenly, the afternoon that they learned about the fight, my mom called me into their room. She asked a few questions, and I answered honestly. Then she said something that I never forgot since that day. She said:
                                “Before you begin thinking about getting in a relationship, you have to be complete. You don’t have to search the whole world for that one person who’d complete you. Because when that person eventually leaves, you’d be devastated because you thought that you were complete with him. No. You should find happiness with yourself, not with others. Because when you do, nothing and no one can take that away from you. You shouldn’t find someone to complete you. You have to find someone who compliments your completeness.”
And I smiled when she said that, because it was true. Most relationships now a day are too dependent on one another, looking for that romance that we see in movies. We see our loved one as someone who can make us happier than we’ve ever been in our life, not knowing that that happiness begins with you; when we depend ourselves on our special someone, we being to raise expectations. And when they fail to fulfil it, we accuse them of not being enough. This is where the fights normally start. You start blaming each other for not being happy enough, then the both of you drift apart. It’s just sometimes sad that this happens, when we could have done things by being happy ourselves. Happiness and being complete starts with accepting who you are. 🙂

growing old with you ♥

The wind blows and my grey hair flutters toward its direction. I sit on our tree house with a hot cup of tea, passing the time. I look at our house, and I feel the familiarity and warmth it gave. I hear you come up,and you smile at me. In 4 slow steps you walk up to me, and kiss me passionately. You catch me off guard, making me drop my tea unto the floor. Then you show me a single yellow rose from our garden. Freshly cut. And we sit in the house, avoiding the hot tea on the floor.

Then we laugh at the times when we fought about meaningless things, and almost cried at those moments when we almost gave up on each other. Then you urge me to dance, and we dance through the silence, letting our hearts decide the song. You hum to me our favorite song, and you kiss my forehead like you always do. Then we lay down on our inflatable bed, a bed filled with countless memories of making love, playing pretend with the kids, and just sleeping side by side. We simply hold hands, wondering how our eldest is with her work, and how Junior is with his new baby. And then we would just stare at each other, eyes scanning every wrinkle, every scar that has marked our times together. We could see our smile lines, for the endless years of laughter.

Then, as it were synchronized, we kiss each other. Just a smack. Then we hug each other, enveloping each other with our infinite love. You tell me “I’d never forget that moment when I first saw you. And I will relish with you this last.” You kiss my forehead, and we say “I love you” at the same time. And then we die together, hands and bodies intertwined, peacefully, lovingly. The perfect end, to an imperfect life. 🙂

My wedding day ♥

Sometimes I wonder, how my wedding day would go. I imagine waking up very early, or not sleeping at all. I’d be smiling so brightly, my face has this different glow, my whole body almost shaking, excited that finally, I get to start my life with the man whom I declared the love of my life. I imagine, that I’d be looking at the mirror, smiling like an idiot, like a little kid who knows she has a huge birthday gift outside. I’d take out my wedding dress, imagining how it would feel to finally be that girl who walks down the aisle, with her parents proud of her  choice, her family and friends supporting her, and there’s a cute, handsome man just standing there, staring at her, maybe even shedding tears of joy, unable to utter a word as his eyes are glued to the beauty of his bride.

Then when I finish imagining I’d see myself grinning so hard that my cheeks are hurting. Then just as I finish taking a bath, I’d put on my bathrobe and a blindfold. I’d take a step outside, and I get hugged the moment I held his hand. He’s been waiting for me to come out, though he couldn’t see a thing with his blindfold. We are careful not to break the superstition, yet we both needed this gesture, our arms around each other. We kneel and overlap each others hand, as we go into a silent prayer. We thank, ask forgiveness, and ask for luck. Our hearts in sync, our hands warm, as we both resist the urge to kiss before the wedding. And when we’re done I’d quietly say, “Come on, I got to get ready. I still haven;t put on any make up.” Then he’d caress my face and say, “You don’t need it, you’re already so darn beautiful” We’d both laugh it off, and I finally get escorted back to my room by my sisters.

 As I get my make up done, he’d text me all of the sudden, announcing he’s already at the church, almost 2 hours early. I’d laugh, and my heart races as the hour of our wedding draws near. The moment I walk out my room, I savor each second of being single, knowing that after a few hours my last name wouldn’t be the same. As I get into the car and arrive at the church, I’d smile, and I’d go with the randomness of the wedding. No more nights being home alone, just me and that guy in a penguin suit, ready to give up everything for me. 🙂