All my favorite words

There are words

that mean so much
more than they should.
There are words so precious,
that you’d want to exchange them
for food.
There are words we hate
that conjure memories
Too painful.
There are words we love
that make us happy
that make us grateful.

All the words we never said,
and all the words we did.

And so these words 
I have put together
In one book.
All the words that I love to hear,
All the words I hate.
They all have their story to tell,
And now I’m writing them all.
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I’m currently writing a book, All My Favorite Words. I have two chapters up on Wattpad, and I want to write one chapter per day if I could. Please share to the teens all those who read Wattpad. I need to get my mojo back. The link is on the top right part of my blog, the picture one.
How about you? What’s your favorite word? Maybe we have something in common 😀

Blocked writer

I haven’t posted in a while,
and I feel bad for it.
I wish I could turn back time,
but I can’t.
And so I’ll make up for it,
by posting every week.
Just until I could get used 
to writing everyday.
I will beat this sickness,
that they call writer’s block.
For the meantime
you can check my Facebook.
Of my posts in poetry,
how a simple activity can be weaved into a poem.
Til next week,
Til another charge of randomness.

Bound to them

Say “opo”*  and bow your head.
Don’t say a word.
Just listen to them instead.
Inside you’re screaming and thrashing,
Hoping to be set free.
But you have to stay mum,
Your tears they must not see.
You don’t say a word
Because they won’t listen.
You don’t ask,
Because you already know the answer.
“Listen to us because we know better.
You’re naïve and weak,
Fragile like a feather.”
Words stinging like a thousand arrows,
You’re bleeding inside,
But they pretend not to see.
Seal your lips,
Don’t let out a squeak.
Cause no matter what you do,
It’ll just be wrong.
You want to reach out,
Explore, try it all.
But you’re a caged vessel,
Made to bend to their every whim.
Now say “opo” and bow your head,
Stay lifeless while you’re lying on your bed.
Bleeding wrists,
And foaming lips.
You’re now free,

No longer bound.
______________________________________________
*yes

Pretentious thoughts and other things

As the plane soared up in the sky, my train of thought began to ramble in my mind, filling the silence. I forgot where I placed my ear phones, so I let my mind talk freely.

I can’t believe I almost missed my plane! I didn’t even last ten seconds in that terminal and I had to pay the terminal fee before passing through! Ah, look at the clouds. They pass by me in such a way that they seem touchable, as if I could touch it if I reach out my hand to it. Oh look, they turned the seatbelt sign on. The captain warns us of turbulence. Wow, the plane is really shaking. If I could just close my eyes I could imagine being somewhere else. Like outside maybe. But the altitude will kill me if I go outside the plane. No, I meant on the ground. Oh we’re floating over seas? At home then. Wait, why am I being pretentious? I want to go to Hawaii if I want to distract myself from the fear of the plane falling into the ground and crashing. Nooooooooo! Erase from memory. Erase from memory!

Sooooooo. Yeah. I really have a weird mind. If scientists studied it, my mind would be a reject. Harhar.

So I promised an update, well here I am!

What I’ve done so far:

1.) I attended the Iligan Writer’s Workshop. Link to the story of that HERE.


I met beautiful and wonderful writers who are just as weird as I am!

2. I’ve moved to Cebu for my internship and a job. 🙂 So that’s taking all my time from writing (booooooo) But I am learning a lot from it though (yeeeeeeey)


Yes, I made a loom bracelet while I was on a plane.

3. I celebrated the 40th monthsary with my boyfriend. <3 If you’ve read my stories, you already know him 😛 (Long Distance Relationship suck)


4. I’m REALLY going to get my book published. For real! With a publisher! That I’m working for! So yeeeeeeeeey!

5. A lot more to come. But I need more inspiration! Comment below for any story ideas because I want to write something. Anythiiiiiiiing! 

Meeting aliens like me


When you’ve been a loner all your life because you prefer books more than people, it’s such a breath of fresh air when you meet aliens like yourself.

For me, I met them on May 26, 2014.

They didn’t come in a space ship, nor did they come with trumpets blaring my eardrums off. No. They were in normal clothes with their almost human faces.

They clearly made their work speak for themselves.

The 21st Iligan National Writer’s Workshop was – for the lack of a more exaggerated word- simply electrifying. Gathering writers who were just starting to make a name for themselves and writers who already have a stand in the literature world was like entering into a room with creativity palpable in the air.

It felt like I was on cloud nine actually.

Someone loves me up there, because that person granted me the wish I wanted ever since I was that bullied little kid. 

I wished for people I could relate to.

I couldn’t believe that there were people out there who shared the same weird thoughts as me, who were as curious as I was about the world. People who understood what it was like to just pour everything out onto the page. 

And even though we spent the workshop criticising everyone’s work, the pointers and suggestions people made were more than helpful to each and everyone of us.

The panelists? Don’t get me started on them. They were ruthless, honest, and downright helpful. They made us see our work in a different light. They were a breed of their own, each with their own right to be sitting in front of us and ripping our work as painfully as they could. Their background and knowledge of literature that was so vast that all I could do was stare in awe.




As for the other fellows? They brought out my inner extrovert, even for just a week. They were just a group of people who seem to be pieces of my life I never knew I was missing. It was my first time interacting with people who aspired to be a real writer like me. Each of them came from somewhere, each with their own story to tell.



Those six days in Iligan were days that would forever be imprinted in my mind. I just hope I get to see them all again!

So now I will write MORE. I’d definitely be fulfilling my motto. Which is to write until my heart runs out of ink 😉


I wasn’t supposed to..

I wasn’t supposed to wake up like this.

I was supposed to wake up to shivers and longing for my blanket, my body splashed all over the bed. I was supposed to see the blinding light of the sun as it painted my room, since I once again forgot to close the curtain last night. I was supposed to wake up to an empty kitchen, void of anything healthy and warm. I was supposed to see empty pizza boxes and a million and one take out boxes and food that I didn’t recognise. I was supposed to open the TV and watch it all day long, with nothing better to do. Then at night I’d bury myself with work, not allowing myself to think for a moment of why the hell did I forget to lock the door, but I was too lazy to get up. I was supposed to fall asleep with the curtains open again, staring onto my window. I’d count stars that twinkle at night, till I fall asleep to a constant tossing and turning.

But today, I didn’t.

Today I woke up to the warmth of a soft skin brushing against mine. I woke up to the sound of giggles as someone brushed their nose with mine. I woke up to the sound of her laugh, as we both fell off the bed. I woke up to the sun directly looking at me, her brown eyes shinning as there’s that pause when you think, This is perfect. I woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs, waiting patiently on my computer desk. My kitchen is now filled with a variety of food, most of them organic. The TV was now untouched, only used for those Tuesday movie nights where she’ll sob at the sight of Channing Tatum suited up for war, but will snuggle up against me. Work was more productive, with only the distraction of her lips as she craves for attention every once and a while. We fell asleep talking to each other like teenagers, murmuring jokes, the sheets tangled up around our bodies. The curtain was now closed, so I didn’t get to see the stars. But I knew, right here, I had one of my own.

I’m never waking up to a day without her.


————————————
And I’m just, ugh. I got this story written at like 5 in the morning when I was supposed to be studying. Someday I’d wake up with my future husband beside me, and he’d never want to sleep alone ever again too.

2 years and two months countdown!

So I may or may have not been neglecting my blog for the past two months. In between studying for exams, making an advertisement and finishing my second book, I never realised that my blog turned two! And even though I missed it, I’m going to celebrate the two year and two months anniversary instead this June! (Because I don’t trust myself to post on the 2 years and 1 month day which is during an exam)(And it’s 3 days from now!)

Today I’m going to write about what has got me busy for the past two months. The good things only, of course.

First off, on March I submitted an application for a National Writing Workshop. And guess what, I got in! You can read about this workshop more here.


Secondly, I entered my poem “The Sea” to a literary magazine, and I got in that too! Watch the launch on their website here.


Thirdly, we had two exhibits to open because to finish our school requirement. It opened AT LAST on Friday!

Advertising Exhibit


“Joy” Exhibit
(Yes, I made a large pencil)

And lastly, I may or may have not chopped my hair again. It’s just so hot!



Surprise announcement! My book Less Than Three is only $0.99 again! Buy it for me pleeeeeease?:D


COUNTDOWN to the DImperfectPrincess-Imperfect is Beautiful Two years and two months anniversary start today!



Countdown Clocks

And of course, HAPPY MOM’S DAY to all Mommies out there!

Remembering Yolanda

I was supposed to die last November 8, 2013.
As Typhoon Yolanda barrelled through Tacloban around seven thirty in the morning, she flooded our house with seawater and mud.  Our furniture floated like it weighed nothing, our appliances like they were worth nothing. The water had its own current inside the house, creating a vortex-like shape. The door was swinging wide open; the two French windows beside it were broken. The water came in without anything to stop it.
And in the middle of this mess and disaster, there was me.
With a box of matches in my mouth, candles raised up with my right hand and the ancient lamp in my left, I was trapped. The furniture began to float toward me, most of them thrice as huge as I was. The water was already shoulder-level, and with my already petite height, it was terrifying to say the least. The water was rising with an alarming rate, and the current was pulling down my feet.
The wind howled outside, as bits and pieces of trees and debris began to float from the outside to our house. My heart was hammering and threatening to leap out of my chest, as I struggled to raise one foot and the other. I was not even halfway towards the stairs when I felt the water rise to my neck.
I remembered my younger siblings upstairs, needing my comfort. I remembered my parents, who counted on me for many things. I remembered my boyfriend of three years, who made me promise to him last night that I had to survive the storm or else he’d get mad at me. I remembered my book, still a draft, waiting for me to finish.
I suddenly felt a rush of adrenalin, giving me the strength I needed.
“Leroi!” I screamed, letting the match go from my mouth.
“Ate!” He replied, running down the stairs. His eyes panicked as he saw my predicament.
He caught the things I threw him, which included the ancient glass lamp. I pushed my way towards the stairs, tossing aside the floating furniture that blocked my way. I stretched my legs as high as I could, grab hold of the stair’s railing, and pushed myself up and ran to the second floor where the rest of my family huddled.
It was only my siblings, my seventy-one year old grandmother, my special aunt and I in the house. My parents were both unfortunately out of the region, and I knew deep inside that they would be worried with what was happening. It was very apocalyptic, one of the things I only saw in movies.
When I reached my room, everyone was together. The second floor was already wet because of the terrace door opening in the mater’s bedroom. The rain and the wind immersed the second floor in ankle level waters. There were broken glass inside their room, and the roof seemed to bounce up and down like a trampoline. I was afraid the roof would collapse on us, just like how one of the ceiling fans fell into one of the beds.
Luckily, no one was hit.
We all began to pray, one rosary mystery after the other. The room felt smaller, the air getting sucked out from our ears as the wind began to pick up again. It sounded like a revving car, about to zoom off to wherever it wanted. We were all struggling to get our voice heard above all the commotion, including the fact that we saw our neighbours climbing the roof of their house.
“That could be us.” One of my siblings said.
“We’ll be okay.” I reassured them
The two girls were crying hysterically when the storm began to blow, along with my grandmother. They were crying for the damage of the house, murmuring and praying incoherent things. I wanted to cry too. But someone needed to be calm.
We began to sing to pass the time, trying to distract ourselves from what was happening outside. My brother and I began to listen to the sound of my mother’s huge vases crashing into our stairs as the wave rose. We were scared when we saw that the water outside our house was higher, covering the houses of our neighbours.
We all tried to eat. But the food, no matter how delicious, now tasted stale. I remembered cooking it hours earlier, when the storm was still making its way towards us. The wind was already whistling when we all woke up, the sound of my mother calling my phone on loudspeaker seemed like a billion years ago. She called to check if everything was prepared, from the food storage down to what we were wearing. Now I had lost my two phones, our clothes were wet, but at least we saved the food.
I remember my sister yelping when she first felt the water rising inside our house. We all hurriedly packed everything we saw, from food to water to the batteries. We foolishly forgot to bring the candles, which was the reason I went back. When everyone was safe upstairs I made myself go back and take the candles, which helped us light up the house the night after the storm.
My grandmother felt helpless as she watched her house slowly become roofless, the flood rising at a fast rate. She watched it all through a window that connected our house with hers, sobbing every time she remembered something she forgot in our hurry to run to our house for safety. Her house was the first to get flooded, as most of the water that entered our house came from hers. It stood for more than forty years, the only thing she felt that was left by my grandfather.
“Ate(sister), the water is going down.”
I felt instant relief, as I counted the minutes that passed since the water came in. It was roughly an hour and a half; the water was slowly going down from the height of the first floor roof. And when everything was calm, we all slowly went down. Our house looked like it went through the power of a washing machine, only it created mud instead of soap.
The bookshelf was upside down; the huge chairs were on their sides. The glass doors were missing; its pieces were all over the floor. Outside, the trees were split in half. The mountains were bare, like a wild fire erupted and removed all the leaves. People were screaming, and some were picking up the things that were scattered along the road.
We just survived what seemed to be something that was made to kill us all but the worst was yet to come.

I am Le-an Lai Angeles Lacaba, the eldest of four and daughter of Leonardo and Romana Lacaba. I’ve lived in Nulatula, Tacloban for eighteen years since I was born. I am a writer and a blogger. And I have survived Haiyan.
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It’s been more than half a year since that day. I’m proud to say that I finished my book, finishing book 2 and working on book 3. Haiyan/Yolanda taught me to finish what I’ve started, because you’d never know when life could finish you.

Internet Funnies

The internet is a beautiful place. Sometimes when I can’t write anything, the internet is there for me. Sometimes when I write the internet distracts me. Either way, I couldn’t write anything today, but the internet was there for me for a few laughs!






Do you have a story you’d like me to write for free? Email me at lean.lacaba@gmail.com and talk to me! Being stuck in school all day rarely spices up my writer cells.