Everything seemed dark, gray and DEAD. My breathing got more laboured, as my hands quivered. My heart twitched and ached in all places, as I tried to stay ALIVE. Just when I thought I conquered all my fears, this one kind of hell blew up all over my face, as lava of hot tears flowed through. The bittersweet taste of betrayal and anger lingered on my lips, as I remembered the last kiss, the last thing we shared together, the last moment when you really loved me. I tried to keep my heart from blowing up into pieces, tried not to over react, but the words blew up in all direction. Everything in me was dying; every cell was destroying the other.
It seems like centuries ago when I last looked straight into your eyes and said “I LOVE YOU”. Fast forward through time, through the sweet nothings and half-hearted apologies, I spend my nights hating the songs we once loved, waking up crying whenever I saw u in my dreams, the memories eating me alive. I spent my days thinking of what went wrong, lost in the world of anticipation of a better tomorrow. I kept myself busy, coping with the drastic change, as I filled the empty void that was once filled by you. I never thought my heart would have ached for you like that. I would sometimes catch myself staring blankly into the air, trying to fill my mind with meaningless thought, avoiding the thought of you.
But as the sun hid and rose from the mountains, I started to hate myself for acting so hopeless, for drifting into a nightmare I built to protect myself. As soon as I realized that, delusions of a better tomorrow became more real, as I started to accept defeat from the aimless cupid. I slowly and surely gained conscience of the things I have done, the things I have achieved and lost. I no longer felt the rush of regret, but rather, the rush of being someone new.
I may never find the heart to forgive you for what you did to me, for making me go through all those things just to forget you, but what I do want to do is to thank you. Because of you jerking off leaving me bleeding half to death, I found the courage to become stronger when it came to love. I have finally moved on, and am going through my life great without you. To that, I say, I survived.
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So that was a little dark. I wrote this when I was FOURTEEN. I think I was moving on from someone, and I really like to overreact on things and that’s how I write. Keep in mind this was all but a crush, one sided feelings. I thought like a “matured” kid then. It’s all so, weird to read what I wrote then. (shivers)