Category: le-an lai lacaba

Don’t break a writer’s heart



Never break the heart of a writer, because it’s just a recipe for disaster. -imperfect princess

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she’ll remember every little detail about you.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she’ll write about you. She’ll write about your weird personality. She’d write about how you snore at night and how it fills the dark room with a monstrous sound escaping your lips. She’d write about every moment you made her cry, like that day when you forgot to call her even when you knew she was sick. She’d write about the times you flirted with other girls in front of her, how you made her feel like there was a competition for your attention.

She’d even write about how oily your face was, and how her lips would feel slippery after she kisses your cheek. She’d write about the times you hands felt clammy, and how she would just wipe her hands on her pants after you held hands. She’d write about your bathroom voice, the way the earth seemed to shake when you sang that high note of “I will always love you”. Writers love to exaggerate, they just go over the top.
She’d tell about the times she cried when you’d cancel your date, only to find out you went to the bar with your friends when you stupidly post pictures on Facebook. She’ll exploit every flaw and every failure, her heart slowly mending with every word while you become a fictional monster character in her poems and stories.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she can make you fall in love with her again. She’ll write stories about how you met. She’ll write about how it felt on your first date, the way you opened the car door for her. She’ll write about the way you made a move to kiss her cheek, but she moved her face at the same time and both of you ended up sharing your first kiss. She’d write about the crazy things you did for her, like doing a harana in front of their house. She’d write about how your voice made the dogs howl, but it made her smile never the less.

She’d even write about the time both of you were sitting down and watching the sun set, your arms around her shoulder. She’d write in detail how she perfectly fit on your shoulder, and the way you’d sniff her hair in a funny way. She’d say the things she wanted to say to you, like she never had any other crush since she fell for you. She’d send butterflies into your stomach, remembering each moment. She’ll pour out every amazing moment, and while your heart breaks in two, her heart strengthens and hopes for a better tomorrow. You’ll be a knight in shining armor, the one who saves her at the end of a grueling day.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, cause it will be both heaven and hell.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because goodbye might be the last thing you’d ever tell.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she’d make you eat your words.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because doing that would just be absurd.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because soon you’d just be another character in her stories.

Don’t break a writer’s heart, because she can easily heal before you could say sorry.

Trust me, I know. I’m a writer after all. 🙂

How I know we’re best friends..

You know how I know we’re best friends? Because I remember the day we met each other(again). June 2009. That day when we found out we were classmates, and you just transferred back to the school. We went to our rooms together, getting lost a bit. I remember that when we reached our room they were done saying prayers, and we stealthily went in.

I know we’re best friends because you’re honest, brutally telling me things that normal friends won’t say. You tease me about the things I’ve done wrong in the past, yet you say it in a way that makes me laugh. You always tell me what I’m doing wrong, making me learn about things along the way. You knock some sense into me when I get too tangled up in my daydreams.

I know we’re best friends because you support me all the way and I do the same. Somehow you know what I could do, and you support me through it all. And I know you could conquer the world if you wanted to, and you’ve got be behind you all the way.

I know we’re best friends because you’re “trending” in my high school diaries. Seriously. Since second year til we graduated, you’re in there. You’ve read most of it, and you’ve even written remarks on it. Reading it all over again today makes me want to laugh, and I’m glad I shared those memories with you.

I know we’re best friends because in most of my “novels” in high school, you were the best friend character. You’re always the one my character runs to when in need of advice. Just like in real life.

I know we’re best friends because we take everything from each other without permission. And I mean everything. From pens, to gadgets and the most dangerous crime of all, food.

I know we’re best friends because most of my best memories in high school was spent with you. All the laughs and tears you saw, some were even because of you.

I know we’re best friends because even though we aren’t affectionate towards each other, we’re still close as close can be.

I know we’re best friends because we both know that no matter what happens we can depend on each other, even when we’re miles apart.

I know we’re best friends because every time you come home, it’s like you never left.

So on your 18th birthday I’d just like to say,
that I’ll be here for you all the way.
That though we may not see each other as much as we want,
we can still count on each other for a rant.

So Ms. Sharmaine Bungabong,
Our story is better than any other song.
I love you to the moon and back,
You’re my best friend,
and that’s a fact.

Someone asked me about you

Someone asked me about you a few days ago. They asked me who was the girl that made me grin like a lunatic. It made me stop and think how to tell them about you. I looked up the sky in hope to find inspiration.

I could have said “She looks like Aphrodite.”

But then that wouldn’t do you justice. So I searched again for the right words, trying to think about you. I thought about your hair, the way it curled at the end. I thought about your lips, how they perfectly melted into mine. I thought about your eyes. Damn your eyes. They would entrance me every time I saw it, and I never wanted to look away.

My friends looked at me expectantly, waiting for an answer. I searched for words again. They laughed at me and told me I was whipped, and I never denied it. The breeze coming from the trees stirred my hair, as we walked back to our office. Then after awhile, I turned to them and said:

“Have you ever been to the beach?”

They all nodded looking curiously at me, and I continued:

“Well she’s like that. Close. When you’re around her you feel a certain breeze float through. You feel relaxed, and the deeper you dig into the sand, the more happier and carefree you would feel. You feel like you could just run all the way to the other side of an island.

Like water she reflects. She can reflect someone’s happiness as if it were her own. At night when everything’s dark, she glows. Every indent a person makes in the sand she takes and she keeps it in her memory. Every wave gentle and she washes up treasures from her own self.

She can make you listen to everything she says, just like how you’d want to listen to the sounds of the ocean. Sure she sometimes turns into storms and wreaks havoc, but she does everything she could to make it up to you. You know what I mean?”

I looked at the three of them, each had a different expression. After awhile they smiled at me, and patted my back. We each went in the building’s elevator, and we pressed our different floors.

“We hope to meet her soon okay man?” One of them said when he reached his floor.

 After a while I was alone as the elevator continued to make my stomach drop. As I heard a familiar ding I walked out and proceeded to walk towards my cubicle. My neighbor smiled at me, her gaze kind. I then sit down on my computer and log in. I smile as I see you face, smiling brightly into the camera. You were showing off your engagement ring, a blush on your cheeks. My eyes then look further below the picture, with the text:

My beloved angel,
1988-2010

Red String of Fate

“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,
regardless of time, place, or circumstance.
The thread may stretch or tangle,
but it will never break.”
– an ancient Chinese belief

Beautiful isn’t it? The way we could imagine that somewhere out there, we are meant for someone. Contrary to what people may usually think, being destined to be with someone doesn’t automatically mean romantically. And this old Chinese belief proves that. It simply means that someone out there is meant to be your friend, to be your companion. It means that no matter the distance or the things you do, you will meet at a certain time when fate decides it. It’s nice to think that everything you do has a reason. That the people you meet, the things that have happened to you whether good or bad, the experiences you went through is part of some thought of plan. It makes you think of the butterfly effect. That one thing you do could affect so many things. A smile could make someone’s day, or a spiteful conversation could send someone into a depression. Come to think of it, we really are connected to each other for some reason. This makes you think about what you do. It makes you feel conscious about what you say or do to people because one mistake could ruin someone’s life. 


Going over to the romantic side of this belief (as I am a hopeless romantic), this belief is the Chinese version of “soul mates”. Nowadays, people rarely do believe in it. Especially with all the overuse of the word “love” in the wrong way. The problem with us humans is that we settle on what is given and we make the abnormal things normal. For example the fact that more and more marriages fail- people nowadays think its a norm. No one ever looks outside the box and sees two people who were afraid to try harder. Another example is that most people settle for what is there. Call me a sappy romantic, but why do you settle for sparks when you can have fireworks? Why settle for someone you can live with rather than a person you can’t live without? These two problems can be solved by one thing: take a chance. Despite what movies and books tell you, no one really dares to take a chance unless life threatens you to. 

That’s the main problem of humanity. Everyone is afraid of being rejected, of being humiliated  of being seen as an outcast. Well you know what? I’ve lived my whole life taking chances. I take things as they go, following my gut the whole way. I’ve been bruised too many times and I’ve got the scars to show it. But no matter what, you’ve just got to keep going. Like Dory said in Finding Nemo, you’ve got to keep swimming. The world is vast ocean. And if the Chinese knew their beliefs, no matter how far you go, the person you’re bound to be with will turn up sooner or later. 

Do you know the cute little story behind the “Red String of Fate”? There was a kid who saw an old man. The old man said that there was a red string that connected people who were meant to be. The kid, as naive as he was, said that he was never getting married. The old man brought the kid to a small village and pointed towards a girl whom the kid was destined to be with. The boy threw a rock at the poor girl and ran away. A few years later, the boy was going to get into an arranged marriage. The night before the marriage, he asked to see the woman’s face. He saw that she was beautiful, but she was hiding something. She then revealed that she had a scar on her face because a rock hit her face when she was a kid. 

Fate can be a real troublemaker  It can make or break a person. But like a parent, it knows your best interests. Sooner or later you’d see your life unfold, and piece by piece you’d see that everything happened for a reason. Not everything may be explained now, but someday it will be. Till then learn to take a chance. You’ll never know where you’d find yourself. 🙂

The SONA and the youth

“The youth are the future of our nation”
-Jose Rizal, Philippine National Hero
Last July 22, Benigno Aquino III, the president of the Philippines delivered his State of the Nation Address. A lot of people stopped what they were doing as the president reviewed the things that have happened throughout the year. Some people have rallied outside the gates where the president spoke to the congress and to the people of the Philippines. 
A day after, people usually start to give their assessment of the latest SONA. In the case of the University of the Philippines Visayas Tacloban College, we held an open forum on the subject. Through the work of both the Student Council and Pulso, they invited eligible speakers to critique what the president presented to the people. They called it “Kapehan sa UP” and to what most students would dub as boring, I would call it eye opening. The forum taught me a lot, showing the things people usually overlook. Kudos to the UPVTC Student Government and to Pulso for giving the youth the right to know about the things happening around them. It was an intriguing afternoon for all. 
Let me give you a bit of my background. I grew up going to a Catholic school. I was sheltered and left oblivious to all the things that were happening around the nation. We weren’t really cajoled to watch the news, and we groaned whenever our parents changed the channel when we were watching cartoons. 
Even as I was in high school, the things happening around me was somehow kept. We only knew about things when our parents or teachers would tell us about it. That was the sad truth of my early teens. We were told what to believe, like for example we had to be against the RH Law because the church said so. We weren’t really given the freedom of speech. But that all changed when I went to college.
In my first two years, my mind was given the training I lacked all those years. I began to think critically, and I began to actually enjoy watching the news. I began expressing myself, which is how I found myself writing on a blog for everyone to read. As I am now on my third year, I felt the urgency to fight for something I believe in. I am more aware of the things happening around me. 
We, the youth were once called the future of the country. That is why a lot of people have corrupted the minds of the youth, blurring the lines between right and wrong. With Facebook and other social media mediums, the youth can freely express themselves easily. And even when the SONA was going on, the youth flooded the Facebook community with reactions to the president’s words. But what was unexpected was what the president said towards the end of his speech: 
“Sa bawat estudyanteng mulat sa mga napapanahong isyu sa lipunan, at sa halip na magreklamo lang sa Facebook ay nagmumungkahi ng solusyon: SONA mo ito.”

(To all students who are aware about the things happening in the society and are posting it on Facebook to find a solution, this is your SONA)
I said,”WHAT?!” Why were the youth suddenly mentioned when during his whole 2-hour speech it seemed like he was avoiding the topic of the youth like a plague? If anyone could recall he didn’t last 10 minutes on his topic on education. When his speech was transcribed the speech on education, it was just 3 paragraphs long! He didn’t even discuss what he has solved over the mountains of problems that the Philippine education is facing. That was why it was such a surprise that he even mentioned the youth at all! 
It was such an infuriating thought that I shared it to my fellow UPians during the said event. All of the speakers agreed with me, one even saying that the government seem to have no care for what the youth thinks about. And that is a fact that has been proven from one president to the other. The problem with diplomats and doctorates is that some think that they are better than students. That we are just hormonal human beings who have no right to speak up. Well they are WRONG! The youth has the power to change a whole nation!  
Every strong leader started as a student. Every powerful mind started as some kid who went to school. So why are we marginalized as a community who have no opinion in the matter? In any matter I may add. The president even didn’t consult the youth about the K-12 project and even when the cyber bullying law was passed! They just think that they know better than us. That was when I found what I wanted to fight for: giving the youth the chance to be heard.
We have a voice .Though small and sometimes unheard, it is powerful when uttered as one by many. So as arrogant as our government may be, we the youth should voice out. We have been taught to know what is wrong and what is right. I encourage my fellow youth to stand up and stop being mindless dwellers in this country! Do not follow what is usual; create something different for our future! The Internet can be easily accessed and you could easily express yourself.  Open your eyes fellow youth! It’s our time to show everyone we can do something for this country!

What’s in a name?

“My name is Le-an. Le-an with a dash”

This introduction usually earns me a few laughs from the room. People all my life have found it unique that I have a character in my name. Usually people have a full set of letters, while I have a dash in my name. Women usually have a dash on their names when they get married, but I have had the dash every since my parents thought of it. A lot of people have not believed me, but I have my birth certificate to prove that.

You see that? I legally have a dash on my name. My parents were so romantic when they thought of my name. Since I was their first child, they combined their names into mine. My dad’s nickname is Leo, my mom’s nickname was Ana. So you see the connection? I was their labour of love as some may say, and they’ve shown their love through me. But the struggles of having a dash started when I began socializing. 
Misprounounce
So you can imagine what it was like for me growing up. Everyone mispronounced my name, calling me “Leeyan”, “Leh-an”, and some who were afraid to mispronounce just called me “Le” or used the literal pronounciation of my name, “lean”. Although I’ve used this to my advantage, calling myself “The girl you can lean on” during campaigns and friend intros,  it’s still quite annoying when people mispronounce it that it came to the point that I didn’t care. But for the information of everyone, my name is pronounced as Le(short e)an. A dash is meant to be a pause, not something that allows you to connect the last vowel to the other. 
Misspell
People mispronounce names all the time. But they also misspell my name. I have come across so many wrong spellings of my name, like the following:
Lee Ann
Lei Ann
Leane
Leanne
Quite annoying right? But my struggles don’t stop there.
Legal documents
So now that I’m almost eighteen, I have to take care of my documents to make sure that I won’t have any problems in the future. But sadly, a lot of computers don’t accept having a character in my name. Here’s an example:
Although some of my cards and documents now have a dash, it was still a problem then when I had three first names instead of only two.
But whatever may be the case, I still love my name though. I mean who else could say that they have a dash in their name? So far I’m the only one (insert evil laugh here). My name is as unique as I could be, and I’d never change a thing. 😀

Crumpled Paper

I stare at it. And it stares back at me. I may look like an idiot for looking at this damned paper for two hours, crumpling and uncrumpling it, I just have a feeling that I shouldn’t throw it away. And so to no one’s surprise, I open the paper again. I stare at it, wishing that it would fill up by itself. I examine the yellow paper that has blue lines, but alas the only words written was the same thing I have written two hours ago.

“She ran through the corridor, her red dress torn..”

Ugh. What next? Damn this writer’s block! I crumple it again, this time like I was going to tear it apart. I put my head down on my desk, full on exhausted. I begin to play characters in my head. And one by one they come alive in my mind.

“She ran through the corridor, her red dress torn. He catches up to her, a knife behind his back. His face is calm, charming even..”

My head snaps up, and I look for my crumpled paper. I frantically search for it, almost flipping over the office. I mentally slap myself for throwing it away. I check my table and my chair but I never found it. I knew I shouldn’t have thrown it away. I peer into my trash can, separating the bond paper from my yellow paper. Good thing I never throw gross stuff in here.

“Hey you okay? You need anything? Your office is a mess.” Gaby suddenly says in one breath.

I struggle not to roll my eyes at him. He was still eye candy after all. I smile at him and say,

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

He then gives me a thumbs up, and walks out of my office. He was lucky to be an art specialist. He’d never experience writer’s block like I do. I suddenly remember what I was doing and I search my papers once again. When I had the yellow papers in one container, I began to open them one by one. Lo and behold, I discovered some old stories I tried to write earlier this week. My eyebrows scrunch together as I read them. I wrote stories that started great, then ended up with dot.dot.dot. Some had titles, some didn’t. Titles and endings were my kryptonite. I read on.

“You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. I repeated this mantra over and over again till I reached our apartment door. As it creaked open, Eric shouted..”

“A single heartbeat. A whisper. A moment that could never be repeated..”

“I stare at the man who is so called my husband. He’s ridiculously putting on his tie, his thumbs graciously moving. He looks at me with a small smile..”

Wow. I never thought that I wrote these. I look at all the crumpled paper around me, all with a story to share. I blink, and a ridiculous rush goes through me. I want to finish all of this! I suppressed a squeal, knowing fully that I was known around the office as the “weird writer”. I start up to my desk, and I do an eenie meenie miney mo on which story I should do first. That’s when I saw it.

Sam’s cat, the woman next to my office, was playing with one of my yellow papers. I stand up and try to grab the paper, but to my misfortune the cat ran. I sigh, running my fingers through my black hair. I put my hair into a messy bun and sat down. I look at the papers once again. All crumpled papers, each one with an amazing story.

 The question is: What’s next? That’s for me to decide. 😀

The internet and death

I was recently heartbroken. Cory Monteith, one of my favorite “Glee” characters of all time, passed away. I know all the other gleeks in the world are mourning right now, and I mourn with you. But something caught my attention while reading all the posts and tweets. It was when I checked his Twitter account, that he didn’t seem dead at all. And I realized that it’s one of technology’s tragedies. That someone who just posted a new status or new tweet just minutes ago could die in a flash. And when you look at their profile, it seems like they just logged out or just went offline. For me it makes moving on a hell a lot harder. And with different sets of technologies, it’s really hard to move past something that seems so alive.

Cellphones – Have you seen P.S. I love you? When her husband died, she went to sleep every night crying while she constantly called her husband’s phone because she listened to his voice machine. Do you know how frustrating that might have felt? That the only way to hear your loved one was through calling his phone? And then you have the text messages. Those messages that made you swoon, messages you regret, and the things you could have said. Tragic.
Camera- This evil little device could relive your happiest moments and turn it into bittersweet memories. Because you know you could never see that smile again, you could never take picture perfect moments ever again, you could never see them really move. It’s downright unfair. You can see them in a picture or a video, but you could never do in real life. Sneaky little things.
Internet- And of course, the jerkiest invention when it comes to death. With Facebook and Twitter and other accounts, you can sit there and pretend that they just logged out. You could open their account and see the pictures, the memories, the things that made them alive. Because right now they’re not alive. They’re dead. To make matters worse, people actually post or message the dead person’s account to say that they would be missed. Does heaven have Wifi? I don’t think so. 
As evil as these inventions are, they can also serve as a way to immortality. You could never really die, you are frozen in time. You may be dead for hundred of years, and yet when a person cares to search you name, your picture pops up, like you never left. And so I leave the decision to you, to decide if technology is evil or good. 
To all gleeks out there, let’s take a time to breath. Cory’s just taking a midnight train going anywhere.. 🙂

Peace and quiet at Kalanggaman Island

Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t think. Just float. Feel the soft breeze. Feel the heat radiating around you.

Sounds relaxing doesn’t it? This is the paradise that Kalanggaman Island promises. It is a 45 minute boat ride from Palompon Leyte, which is a two hour ride from Eastern Visayas’ capital, Tacloban City, which is an hour plane ride from Manila. Now let me talk you back on our own journey of twists and turns, on our way to paradise. 🙂

We started off by waking up at 3 in the morning. We then got onto the road as we tried to catch some sleep on the way to Palompon. But what could have been an easy route, turned out to be rocky. We got lost a bit, trailing off to a rocky mountain. Though we weren’t sure where we were going, we went with it. We laughed as we counted how many chickens my dad almost run over. Turns out though, that the road we took was actually a shortcut towards Palompon. How lucky could we get? And what seemed like hours of going round and round, we finally reached the city of Palompon. When we got there, we set off on a pre-pictorial pictorial!

As the boat zoomed off, we were in for a big surprise: there was a looming storm and we were lucky enough that we left before the coast guard announced that no boats were allowed to leave! So we braved the waves as we approached the island, seeing dolphins and flying fish! 

 Once we arrived at the island, we forgot about out rumbling stomachs and dove into a pictorial of the breath taking island!

 And then, when we could not deny our stomachs any further, we ate our very yummy brunch 🙂

And as narcissistic as I am, I couldn’t stop taking pictures of myself and the island!

And then, we dove into the clear waters of the ocean. Everything was so visible that it looked like we were in a pool!

We then ventured to the end of the island, where we resumed the pictorial!

After we swam and ate, we finally bid adieu to the island that gave us the relaxation we all needed 🙂

Ms. Tippity Toe

Tiptoe, tiptoe, turn, glide, head up, hands in third position, and smile.

Do you know how it feels to unleash everything you feel into one song? To move the way your heart beats, and to keep dancing even when the music is over? I know exactly how that feels. Ever since I was five when I first saw ballerinas twirl on a magical box called the television, I was in love. I was more into dancing when I saw mom’s old ballerina pics, and I knew it was fate. And so my dancing adventures began.

During my first recital at 6 years old

When I was six I tried my hand in Hawaiian dancing for the summer, and I pretty much rocked it. I felt my first rush as being on stage, dancing to my little heart’s delight. When I was seven I tried ballet, but I got lazy and didn’t even finish summer school. And I let the years roll, thinking I was too old to learn again. It wasn’t until I was thirteen that I tried again, both ballet and in jazz this time. It was a lot of fun, being able to meet wonderful people and learn how to dance as well. I got to learn how to split by the end of the summer, and I was hooked!

My ballet recital when I was thirteen

During that same year, I joined the school’s dance club, the Artiste. A spark in me ignited my love for contemporary dance. You didn’t have to have a perfect form, as long as you expressed yourself. And I was addicted to it. I continued dancing for the group till I was fifteen.

The Artiste

I graduated, and got into college. That summer, my sister was enrolled in a summer dance class. And after seeing her dance recital, I wanted another chance in dancing. So the next summer, I did. I was almost the eldest in the class since I was sixteen. I didn’t care though. I still made friends worth keeping and dance steps worth remembering.

Alice in Wonderland, June 2012

At school, I was assigned to do doxologies. For those who doesn’t know, a doxology is a dance during prayer. I was in seventh heaven. I could express without worrying about choreography. I could dance freely without anyone questioning me. And the best part was, I was serving Him.

During one of my doxologies in Robinsons Tacloban

And so my love for dancing never really died, and this summer I enrolled again in dancing. Although I still had the chills whenever I was on stage, I still danced as if it was my last. And I know when I grow up I’d mercilessly enrol my first child, whether he/she may be a boy or a girl, into dancing. Hopefully turning them into the ballerinas who danced on TV. 🙂

Every child is a star, June 2013

In the end, I do believe that there’s a dance for someone out there. That even those dubbed as someone who can’t dance can dance to the beat of their own drum. The best part about dancing is expressing yourself. That when you step on that stage, all your life problems becomes a little dot. It won’t matter if you’re chubby, short, or your legs aren’t too long, it’s just you and the stage and that beat in your heart. Everyone who has the heart and passion can dance, because when a person is really willing anything is possible. 🙂