I wasn’t supposed to wake up like this.
I was supposed to wake up to shivers and longing for my blanket, my body splashed all over the bed. I was supposed to see the blinding light of the sun as it painted my room, since I once again forgot to close the curtain last night. I was supposed to wake up to an empty kitchen, void of anything healthy and warm. I was supposed to see empty pizza boxes and a million and one take out boxes and food that I didn’t recognise. I was supposed to open the TV and watch it all day long, with nothing better to do. Then at night I’d bury myself with work, not allowing myself to think for a moment of why the hell did I forget to lock the door, but I was too lazy to get up. I was supposed to fall asleep with the curtains open again, staring onto my window. I’d count stars that twinkle at night, till I fall asleep to a constant tossing and turning.
But today, I didn’t.
Today I woke up to the warmth of a soft skin brushing against mine. I woke up to the sound of giggles as someone brushed their nose with mine. I woke up to the sound of her laugh, as we both fell off the bed. I woke up to the sun directly looking at me, her brown eyes shinning as there’s that pause when you think, This is perfect. I woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs, waiting patiently on my computer desk. My kitchen is now filled with a variety of food, most of them organic. The TV was now untouched, only used for those Tuesday movie nights where she’ll sob at the sight of Channing Tatum suited up for war, but will snuggle up against me. Work was more productive, with only the distraction of her lips as she craves for attention every once and a while. We fell asleep talking to each other like teenagers, murmuring jokes, the sheets tangled up around our bodies. The curtain was now closed, so I didn’t get to see the stars. But I knew, right here, I had one of my own.
I’m never waking up to a day without her.
Category: imperfect is beautiful
26 months
2 years and two months countdown!
So I may or may have not been neglecting my blog for the past two months. In between studying for exams, making an advertisement and finishing my second book, I never realised that my blog turned two! And even though I missed it, I’m going to celebrate the two year and two months anniversary instead this June! (Because I don’t trust myself to post on the 2 years and 1 month day which is during an exam)(And it’s 3 days from now!)
Today I’m going to write about what has got me busy for the past two months. The good things only, of course.
First off, on March I submitted an application for a National Writing Workshop. And guess what, I got in! You can read about this workshop more here.
Countdown Clocks
And of course, HAPPY MOM’S DAY to all Mommies out there!
Remembering Yolanda
Internet Funnies
The internet is a beautiful place. Sometimes when I can’t write anything, the internet is there for me. Sometimes when I write the internet distracts me. Either way, I couldn’t write anything today, but the internet was there for me for a few laughs!
Blind date
I woke up with a heart ache and a massive pile of tear soaked tissues.
Not the best way to wake up, but when your boyfriend got delayed in coming home again, crying all night can become a habit. Especially when you haven’t seen each other for more than a year.
I remembered his pained face when he told me that his study contract had to be extended. He was graduating from his masters, and his professor made him stay two more months so my boyfriend could “tweak” his thesis. He was frustrated and homesick-just like me. He has always been my home, no matter where he was. And I was his.
Thank God for modern technology, the way I could see him every night and hear his voice like he was just beside me. But technology could only do so much.
I couldn’t feel his warmth, they way his breath would tickle my ear when he hugged me from behind. The way his nose would brush mine just before he kissed me. The way he’d hold my hand when we crossed the street like a kid, and he’d never let go at once. His hands would just linger its touch, sometimes with his thumb brushing mine.
I missed his unfunny jokes, the way he’d make me laugh over the most stupid things. I missed the way he never stopped singing so badly when I tried to ignore him, knowing that soon I’d give attention to him anyway.
I hated being so far from him, and I felt like we were growing apart.
Sometimes the thoughts would run in my head wildly like forest fire.
What if he was different now?
What if I wouldn’t recognise who he is in the inside anymore?
What if he’d thought that I was different?
I can’t imagine how I feel around him anymore. What if everything was different now?
Sometimes I secretly wished he stayed where he was, just so we wouldn’t get awkward when we meet again.
What if he didn’t love me anymore?
We haven’t talked in two weeks since he had to concentrate on his thesis. Endless days of overthinking and crying and hoping to see him again.
One night my friends wanted to get me out of my funk, and tried to coax me into going to a blind date. After refusing a lot of times, I gave in, with the promise of telling him about it.
My friends blind folded me, saying it was the whole point of having a blind date. They led me somewhere I didn’t know, made me turn around three times, then made me sit down. I took off my blind fold and there he was, in a suit and tie, smiling like an idiot. There was white pasta in front of both of us, and a candle at the side.
“Hi.” He whispered.
“Hi.”
“I’m Ken. You’re Kelly right? Your friends were right, you are very pretty.”
I couldn’t help but smile as he played on with the “blind date”
“You look pretty handsome too.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do this in person, but will a flying kiss do?”
“I don’t kiss on a first date.”
“Will a handshake do?”
He extended his arm out, and I reached for it.
I held in a tear as I pretended to shake his imaginary hand, and he did the same. The screen between us felt like we were boxed, yet he smiled at me brightly.
“Nice to meet you Kelly.”
“Nice to met you too Ken.”
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Not so good, I know. I’ve been in this funk when I can’t write because my meds make me sleepy. Bugger.
Original, all mine, and fiction.
Good vs. Bad: Why Death takes the good guys first
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This post may be kind of deep, so I’m just going to ask a question for the comments:
Have you ever had someone you know die and you believe they were and Abel? What qualities do they have to be worthy of being called an “Abel?”
The hands that held mine
Original. Copyright.
The wrong generation
I seriously think I was born to the wrong generation.
Not to insult the time I am in, but I wish I was born during the time when writing was something you were talented in, not a crash course you could take in a day.
Everything seems to have a manual these days, everything has rules, everything has standards. Shakespeare didn’t have one, neither did Hemingway. These men just wrote whenever they wanted to, and now look at them.
Before I decided to be a full on writer, I just wrote like them: in whatever way I wanted to. But then I learned the hard truth about writing: everyone else can do it, even though they don’t have the talent to do so. Isn’t it frustrating? How you could want to write with so much passion, and then wuptidoo lookey here, someone who has connections to a publisher got their book published! How you try so hard to enter a competition you weren’t even comfortable with because more people like those who won awards, and then whoooooosh! A kid who was trained by a professional won.
I’m not really bitter about writing. I love writing. It’s the world that gave writing the wrong definition. Writing should be something shared freely, without rules or boundaries. I mean, I’m just fed up because I’m usually “out there” with my ideas that no one seems to understand.
If only I was born in the time when writing was an art and not a job. I’d even like to live in the time when writing was banned, but I’d still write because I love to. I write because I can’t help it, but I can’t be credited for it because I don’t fit in with everyone’s standards.
Writers read and quote this book.
(I like to be original thank you.)
Writers should write a million words a day.
(Okay maybe just a thousand, but most of us suffer writer’s block)
Writers have to live through being poor or stuff like that.
(Life has already hardships. Now I have to chose to go through them?)
Writers shouldn’t publish their works when submitting to a contest.
(How about us bloggers?)
But how about me? I’m just an eighteen year old girl without a mentor, who lives in the Philippines, struggling to finish college, who doesn’t read Hemingway or Tolstoy, and just wants to write because if I don’t I lose it.
This generation makes struggling writers like me struggle more because of nonsense definitions.
I love to read and write instead of partying or drinking. I rush to the nearest bookstore instead of the nearest sale. I’ve been different my whole life, always lost in a world I’m either reading or creating. I don’t have anyone to relate with, but that’s okay.
If that means that I should try harder, then let it be.
I am Le-an Lai Lacaba, 18 from Tacloban City, Philippines. I will be graduating from college next year, and I’m going to pursue my career as a writer. No matter what anyone says, I’m a writer. And I will sure as hell prove that.
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Just a little rant. I’m just frustrated because weeks after applying for so many jobs and entering competitions, I still have nothing 🙁