First kisses and sloppy nightmares

He tilts your chin up, and looks deeply into your eyes. You notice the things you haven’t notice before. Like his eyes are really light brown, that his nose has a faint mole on the right, and that his cheeks actually blush. And then you look down. You see the red, almost heart shaped lips, then you notice that he’s looking at your lips too. You shy away, afraid that he may see how imperfect
you are. But no, he holds your chin up, and smiles at you. Butterflies rapidly form in your stomach, and your heart beats loud you’re afraid that he might hear it. He then leans in, and you automatically shut your eyes. He chuckles, and when you open your eyes he’s smiling at you.

“You.are.beautiful” He whispers, his hot breath touching your lips.

He looks into your eyes again, and then finally swoops down for the kiss. Your eyes close dramatically, as you melt like ice cream on a hot summer day. You feel his soft lips that’s almost like marshmallow. You don’t know what to do, but like instinct you kiss back. You run your fingers along his curly hair, and you smile in the kiss. You don’t just feel fireworks. You feel love. You feel it pouring from his lips, the warm, untamed love. When he pulls away you feel disappointed, but that quickly changes when he presses his forehead on yours. He kisses you nose, and holds your hand like how Tarzan did when he met Jane. In this moment, it’s perfect.

Heart warming isn’t it? We all dream that our first kisses start that way. But as cruel as reality is, it doesn’t work out that way. Some are fortunate, but for us regular folks we have our first kisses in either the most awkward way possible, or the most shocking way. So for those hopeless romantics like me, here are different types of first kisses that I have noted down from friends and online confessions. To be specific these are kisses on the lips by people who aren’t included in your family.

Sloppy Joe- Imagine a fish. Slimy, gross and has its mouth open. Now imagine having that as your first kiss. The poor guy has been nervous as hell during your date, has slippery hands and has been sweating a lot. When he leans in for a kiss he excuses himself to sneeze or he just sneezes at your face. But since you’re excited, you don’t mind. And when he finally kisses you, you now know why you have to cook a fish before you eat it.

Smack Macky– Now this kiss is just plain evil. It’s over before it even began. The dude steals a kiss, and not in a romantic way. He literally has stolen your first kiss, scarring you for life. But if the guy is your crush/dating you, you’re kinda lucky. Some unfortunate souls had their first kiss by a complete stranger! Talk about stranger danger.

Morning Manny- This kind of kiss usually happens during sleepovers and camping. You’re sleeping soundly, and all of the sudden you wake up face to face with a guy. And for some apparent reason, your lips are within kissing range. Before you could vavoom your way out of there, the guy moves, causing the two of you to lip lock your way into losing the virginity of your lips. Now that’s harsh.

Accidental Ace- Just like Smacky Macky, this may come from a total stranger. Now we can all imagine this kiss as we’ve read this a lot and seen this in movies. You’re just doing your own thing, you trip at someone and both of you come tumbling down. The next thing you know both of your lips are together, and you’re too shocked to move. You may think this only happens in movies, but I tell you, it has happened in real life.

Mismatch Mark– You know how sometimes you kiss someone’s cheek? Well imagine you’re kissing someone’s cheek at the same time that guy tries to kiss you on the cheek too. The catch? Both of you try to kiss on the same side. The outcome? Both of you kissed each other on the lips instead of the cheeks. Now this has happened to me, fortunately with a close girl friend. But how about those who got kissed by someone they met, or even their boss as they greeted each other? Awkward? Yes. Irreversible? No.

Spark-less Sam- Now this guy planned everything. He got you a nice reservation for a table for two, both of you danced, ate and had fun. Just as he walks you to your door, he smiles at you. You know you’re going to get kissed. He then leans down, and finally he kisses you. He pulls away, looking at the floor. He holds your hand, and looks at you with a sad smile. “I don’t think this is going to work out. I didn’t feel any spark. I’m sorry.” He then walks away and gives you a small excuse for a wave. You stand there dumbfounded, scratching your head, and walk inside. Since when was is that the guy looked for sparks?

Tongueful Tate- Now this is Sloppy Joe but on a less level. Or worse. You decide when you kiss a guy for the first time and he sticks his tongue down your throat like he’s giving you resuscitation. Hell, even first aid isn’t like that. He seems to be brushing your teeth too. Now all you need is mouthwash and maybe a bit of brainwash and you’re good to go.

Devious Daniel- The name says it all. It’s that creepy guy who has a thing for being a girl’s first, and he does these evil plans to be the first to taste. He may kiss you when you’re happily dozing off to dreamland, or he leans into your side and calls your name. SMACK! You’d never know what’s coming. Shame on these guy, they deserve to be smacked too. In the head. With a hardbound book.

Bad-breath Brad- Now this guy has no respect for you or himself. He kisses like he hasn’t heard of breath mint, and he isn’t ashamed. Some girl have actually barfed, cried and had nightmares. Nah I’m just exaggerating. They didn’t cry.

So far, these are the kind of first kisses that I know of. Not that I tried them all! No offense to those guys who are named the same with my classifications. I know your face is scrunching just imagining these kisses, and I’m afraid I’m about to throw up too. But before we head to the bathroom and empty our stomachs, what was your first kiss like?