Remembering Yolanda

I was supposed to die last November 8, 2013.
As Typhoon Yolanda barrelled through Tacloban around seven thirty in the morning, she flooded our house with seawater and mud.  Our furniture floated like it weighed nothing, our appliances like they were worth nothing. The water had its own current inside the house, creating a vortex-like shape. The door was swinging wide open; the two French windows beside it were broken. The water came in without anything to stop it.
And in the middle of this mess and disaster, there was me.
With a box of matches in my mouth, candles raised up with my right hand and the ancient lamp in my left, I was trapped. The furniture began to float toward me, most of them thrice as huge as I was. The water was already shoulder-level, and with my already petite height, it was terrifying to say the least. The water was rising with an alarming rate, and the current was pulling down my feet.
The wind howled outside, as bits and pieces of trees and debris began to float from the outside to our house. My heart was hammering and threatening to leap out of my chest, as I struggled to raise one foot and the other. I was not even halfway towards the stairs when I felt the water rise to my neck.
I remembered my younger siblings upstairs, needing my comfort. I remembered my parents, who counted on me for many things. I remembered my boyfriend of three years, who made me promise to him last night that I had to survive the storm or else he’d get mad at me. I remembered my book, still a draft, waiting for me to finish.
I suddenly felt a rush of adrenalin, giving me the strength I needed.
“Leroi!” I screamed, letting the match go from my mouth.
“Ate!” He replied, running down the stairs. His eyes panicked as he saw my predicament.
He caught the things I threw him, which included the ancient glass lamp. I pushed my way towards the stairs, tossing aside the floating furniture that blocked my way. I stretched my legs as high as I could, grab hold of the stair’s railing, and pushed myself up and ran to the second floor where the rest of my family huddled.
It was only my siblings, my seventy-one year old grandmother, my special aunt and I in the house. My parents were both unfortunately out of the region, and I knew deep inside that they would be worried with what was happening. It was very apocalyptic, one of the things I only saw in movies.
When I reached my room, everyone was together. The second floor was already wet because of the terrace door opening in the mater’s bedroom. The rain and the wind immersed the second floor in ankle level waters. There were broken glass inside their room, and the roof seemed to bounce up and down like a trampoline. I was afraid the roof would collapse on us, just like how one of the ceiling fans fell into one of the beds.
Luckily, no one was hit.
We all began to pray, one rosary mystery after the other. The room felt smaller, the air getting sucked out from our ears as the wind began to pick up again. It sounded like a revving car, about to zoom off to wherever it wanted. We were all struggling to get our voice heard above all the commotion, including the fact that we saw our neighbours climbing the roof of their house.
“That could be us.” One of my siblings said.
“We’ll be okay.” I reassured them
The two girls were crying hysterically when the storm began to blow, along with my grandmother. They were crying for the damage of the house, murmuring and praying incoherent things. I wanted to cry too. But someone needed to be calm.
We began to sing to pass the time, trying to distract ourselves from what was happening outside. My brother and I began to listen to the sound of my mother’s huge vases crashing into our stairs as the wave rose. We were scared when we saw that the water outside our house was higher, covering the houses of our neighbours.
We all tried to eat. But the food, no matter how delicious, now tasted stale. I remembered cooking it hours earlier, when the storm was still making its way towards us. The wind was already whistling when we all woke up, the sound of my mother calling my phone on loudspeaker seemed like a billion years ago. She called to check if everything was prepared, from the food storage down to what we were wearing. Now I had lost my two phones, our clothes were wet, but at least we saved the food.
I remember my sister yelping when she first felt the water rising inside our house. We all hurriedly packed everything we saw, from food to water to the batteries. We foolishly forgot to bring the candles, which was the reason I went back. When everyone was safe upstairs I made myself go back and take the candles, which helped us light up the house the night after the storm.
My grandmother felt helpless as she watched her house slowly become roofless, the flood rising at a fast rate. She watched it all through a window that connected our house with hers, sobbing every time she remembered something she forgot in our hurry to run to our house for safety. Her house was the first to get flooded, as most of the water that entered our house came from hers. It stood for more than forty years, the only thing she felt that was left by my grandfather.
“Ate(sister), the water is going down.”
I felt instant relief, as I counted the minutes that passed since the water came in. It was roughly an hour and a half; the water was slowly going down from the height of the first floor roof. And when everything was calm, we all slowly went down. Our house looked like it went through the power of a washing machine, only it created mud instead of soap.
The bookshelf was upside down; the huge chairs were on their sides. The glass doors were missing; its pieces were all over the floor. Outside, the trees were split in half. The mountains were bare, like a wild fire erupted and removed all the leaves. People were screaming, and some were picking up the things that were scattered along the road.
We just survived what seemed to be something that was made to kill us all but the worst was yet to come.

I am Le-an Lai Angeles Lacaba, the eldest of four and daughter of Leonardo and Romana Lacaba. I’ve lived in Nulatula, Tacloban for eighteen years since I was born. I am a writer and a blogger. And I have survived Haiyan.
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It’s been more than half a year since that day. I’m proud to say that I finished my book, finishing book 2 and working on book 3. Haiyan/Yolanda taught me to finish what I’ve started, because you’d never know when life could finish you.

Internet Funnies

The internet is a beautiful place. Sometimes when I can’t write anything, the internet is there for me. Sometimes when I write the internet distracts me. Either way, I couldn’t write anything today, but the internet was there for me for a few laughs!






Do you have a story you’d like me to write for free? Email me at lean.lacaba@gmail.com and talk to me! Being stuck in school all day rarely spices up my writer cells.

Good vs. Bad: Why Death takes the good guys first



Ever since the first recorded death on the Bible, the good guys usually die first. Abel vs. Cain is the first human personification of good vs. bad, and until today it’s usually the good guys who get seduced by Death.
            The contrast of the Abels and Cains in this world has been going on for centuries after the first murder, and is still the example that is being shown today. There’s a Filipino joke among teens where they say, “Ang bait mo, sana kunin ka na ni Lord.”(You’re so nice; I hope the Lord takes you). It’s neither an insult nor a compliment (but it depends on the recipient), but simply stating something we’ve subconsciously noticed: that the good ones go first.
            I’ve never really been the religious type, except for the fact that I went to a Christian school through my elementary and high school days. I knew how to pray the rosary, I knew the Ten Commandments, I knew who the 12 disciples were, but I always wanted to know why the good guys got “taken” first since I was nine.
            Another nine years later, I got my answer.
            A friend we’ll call Anne had her aunt pass away suddenly. She was still getting over the shock of it all, and she kept telling me that her aunt was the nicest person in the world. She always gave what she could give without asking for anything in return. From what I heard Anne’s aunt was another Abel-a nice person who went to heaven, leaving the Cains behind.
            And that’s when it struck me.
            The reason the Cains get left behind is not because of unfinished business, or that they have a long life ahead of them. The Cains were left behind because they had to do something before they died that the Bible has mentioned over and over: they had to repent.
            An Abel is someone who isn’t always doing the right thing, but they try to. They help people when they could; they may or may not be religious but believes in a Higher Being; and lives life the simplest way they could.
            The Cains are those who aren’t ultimately bad guys, but are easily swayed into giving in to temptation. They are the ones who know they’re doing the wrong thing but they do it anyway. They are the ones who show us who we don’t want to be, and makes everything else complicated.
            It was then that I had another realization: the reason Cains stay on Earth is that they’re given the chance to become an Abel. Which brings me back to my first conclusion: Cains needed to repent.
            The concept of Repentance has been practically drilled into our heads when we were kids, Catholic school or not. During Mass we are told to return to God and do His Will. Repent is defined as the feeling of regret or remorse over something, and the priests have been telling us to repent of our sins.
            Repentance has been taught to us as our “ticket” into getting into heaven. We are taught that God easily forgives if we find it in us to repent, which transforms any Cain into an Abel.
            This may seem easy enough to do, but it’s not. Everyone knows it’s not.
            We’ve been taught that we had to be genuinely repentant. Saying that you were sorry for your sins didn’t count if in the back of your mind you knew you were going to do it again didn’t count.  
             The Holy Week centers on the idea of Repentance. We remember Jesus dying for us in the cross, another example of Abel. We are constantly reminded that Jesus died for us, for the Cains, for us to see the example of whom we should follow. We may not all be priests or nuns, but just being the person we know Abel would be is all God wants.
             And even though we die first because we became Abels, we will be remembered, just as Anne’s aunt was remembered. As a person worth crying for, a person worth talking to a friend you weren’t close to in the first place. In the end turning into an Able in a world of Cains saves you, just as He promised. Abels don’t die because in fact they’re given a life forever for choosing to be an Abel and not a Cain.

            Death isn’t the end when you’re an Abel. It’s the beginning of Eternal Life.

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This post may be kind of deep, so I’m just going to ask a question for the comments:
Have you ever had someone you know die and you believe they were and Abel? What qualities do they have to be worthy of being called an “Abel?”

The wrong generation

I seriously think I was born to the wrong generation.

Not to insult the time I am in, but I wish I was born during the time when writing was something you were talented in, not a crash course you could take in a day.

Everything seems to have a manual these days, everything has rules, everything has standards. Shakespeare didn’t have one, neither did Hemingway. These men just wrote whenever they wanted to, and now look at them.

Before I decided to be a full on writer, I just wrote like them: in whatever way I wanted to. But then I learned the hard truth about writing: everyone else can do it, even though they don’t have the talent to do so. Isn’t it frustrating? How you could want to write with so much passion, and then wuptidoo lookey here, someone who has connections to a publisher got their book published! How you try so hard to enter a competition you weren’t even comfortable with because more people like those who won awards, and then whoooooosh! A kid who was trained by a professional won.

I’m not really bitter about writing. I love writing. It’s the world that gave writing the wrong definition. Writing should be something shared freely, without rules or boundaries. I mean, I’m just fed up because I’m usually “out there” with my ideas that no one seems to understand.

If only I was born in the time when writing was an art and not a job. I’d even like to live in the time when writing was banned, but I’d still write because I love to. I write because I can’t help it, but I can’t be credited for it because I don’t fit in with everyone’s standards.

Writers read and quote this book.
(I like to be original thank you.)

Writers should write a million words a day.
(Okay maybe just a thousand, but most of us suffer writer’s block)

Writers have to live through being poor or stuff like that.
(Life has already hardships. Now I have to chose to go through them?)

Writers shouldn’t publish their works when submitting to a contest.
(How about us bloggers?)

But how about me? I’m just an eighteen year old girl without a mentor, who lives in the Philippines, struggling to finish college, who doesn’t read Hemingway or Tolstoy, and just wants to write because if I don’t I lose it.

This generation makes struggling writers like me struggle more because of nonsense definitions.

I love to read and write instead of partying or drinking. I rush to the nearest bookstore instead of the nearest sale. I’ve been different my whole life, always lost in a world I’m either reading or creating. I don’t have anyone to relate with, but that’s okay.

If that means that I should try harder, then let it be.

I am Le-an Lai Lacaba, 18 from Tacloban City, Philippines. I will be graduating from college next year, and I’m going to pursue my career as a writer. No matter what anyone says, I’m a writer. And I will sure as hell prove that.

———————
Just a little rant. I’m just frustrated because weeks after applying for so many jobs and entering competitions, I still have nothing 🙁

The freelance writer advertisement

Need an article written?
Have a story to tell but you just can’t seem to put them together?
Do you need someone to take care of the content of your blog, newspaper or magazine?
Are you searching for a writer of original, unique and thrilling content?
Look no further!
I am Le-an Lai Lacaba, an 18 year old junior student of the University of the Philippines and I’m offering my services as a freelance writer. I have been writing short stories and poems for six years, and professional articles for almost two years. I have worked and have been published on Espejo magazine and a few other websites like LDRmagazine. I have interviewed important people, including our mayor. I research my articles myself from reliable sources. I have also published my book, Less Than Three, which is a collection of short stories.
My offer for each article ranges from 50 Pesos($1.11) to 2000 pesos($44.59) depending on the word count and the urgency of the article. 
Please refer to my resume below for more details.
Email me at lean.lacaba@gmail.com if you wish for me to write articles. My expertise of topics range from relationships to family to world news. 
I hope to hear from you soon!
————————————————
I am currently on an educational fieldtrip, and we’ve been learning about advertisement. And I thought, heck, I should advertise myself! 

Book lovin’ babe

Aren’t just there moments in your life when you finish a book and you sigh and think, “I want to read that again.”?

That’s the power of a book. And being an eighteen year old girl who has read more books that the hair follicles on her hair, I know all about it. Funny thing, I first loved writing before I loved reading. Maybe it was because we didn’t have a proper bookstore in our city when I was younger. All I had were my mother’s monthly Reader’s Digest, and a few Sweetvalley High books. But once I got into college three years ago and two bookstores opened up in the city, I piled up on books. And when I discovered e-books, I read more.

Addicted? Yes.

But one day though, I’d love to read my own book like I’ve never seen it before. Like I just bought the book for the heck of it, forgetting that I even wrote it.

Now that I’ve read 600 or so books, I’d love to read more. So I’m going to try and do some book reviews. Free books for my opinion sounds like a great idea.

Another reason I’m going to be a book blogger is that I’m taking a pause from posting my stories and poems online. Every writing competition seems to require that every entry has to be unpublished, so I’m going to take a break for a while. But fear not! Whenever I get published, I’d post it here immediately!

Here’s my new blog, Book Lovin’ Babe! I’m still working out the kinks 🙂 

Now off to more reading!

Care to recommend me to author’s who’d like to get their books reviewed? 😀

Longer hair, courting soulmates and sweet videos

Helloooooooooooo!

If you’ve been a reader of my blog, you may have read my post when I first started writing Courting my Soulmate in my January 6 post. So first, I’m going to update you on my hair! Definitely longer than the last time, isn’t it?

Anyyyyyywayyyy.

I’ve published my second book on Wattpad! Yes, COURTING MY SOULMATE! Since January 6, I’ve written 24 chapters already, and I’m loving it so I thought I could just post it! There are times when I’m lazy as a Snorlax(pokemon) when I write, so I sometimes need feedback. So I’m posting one chapter per day. The best part? It’s FREEEEEEEEEE. So if you’d like to read it, download the app on your phone or you can read it online. Click HERE. (could this sign be any more obvious?)

Synopsis:

When you’ve been waiting thousands of years for your soulmate, you never would want to let her go once you spot her. For Arthur, he knew he was head over heels when he finally saw the woman he was meant to be with. He’d try to conquer angels and demons, strict Filipino fathers, and even try to forget Olympus was his home, all for this girl. For Victoria, she knew she was falling for this Greek guy-and fast. But with Death and the heavens wanting her back, she tries to flap her wings away from Arthur as fast as she could.
I’ve also been addicted to love videos on YouTube. I mean, I rarely act like an emotional teenager, I am just eighteen after all, but when I do act like one, I got gaga!
So here are some videos that are GUARANTEED to melt your heart. If it doesn’t, well, okay. (pouts and goes away)
Their wedding.
Baby on the way!
Baby is here!
Yes, they’re from the same couple. It’s just not fair to show you one video. You have to see the three of them. <3
SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT!
In celebration for posting Courting my Soulmate (and I’m just in a great mood after watching these videos), I’m selling my 1st book, Less Than Three, for $0.99 on Kindle! That’s a WHOOPING savings of $4.00! Hopefully by the time you read this post, the new price has been implemented. So again, Click HERE to buy my 1st book!
SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT #2!
I’m working on my 3rd book. That is all. 😀

Streetlight

After four months, it lights up our streets.
And ultimately, our hearts.
In between publishing my book, getting confined in the hospital for a week, and struggling with my studies, it’s easy to forget that four months ago, Haiyan almost drowned me.
Last night, something beautiful happened. A streetlight near our house got turned on.
To some of you, this may not be a big of a deal. But for us who have been powerless since the storm, it’s a way of igniting that someday everything would be the way that it was.
The turning on of the streetlight lessened our fears of someone breaking into our house, since it would be lighter outside.
The turning on of the streetlight meant that soon, we’d get our electricity back soon.
The turning on of the streetlight means that I don’t have to bring my laptop everyday to school just to charge it.
The turning on of the streetlight means that I won’t have to be too afraid of going down stairs in the morning since I could just light things up with a flip of a switch.

The last four months haven’t been easy, as we adjusted our lives after the storm wrecked our home. With the streetlight on, it makes us hope for something better.

The fed-up hopeless romantic’s letter


Dear boyfriend,

You know how I feel about you. 

You know how my eyes sparkle when I see you. You know how I can’t help but smile when you stare at me. You know how I get dizzy when you kiss me. You know how weak I get when you hug me. You know how I feel giddy every time you tell me you love me, and in return I can’t help but tell you how much I love you back. You know how I can’t help but melt whenever you’re around, even though I’m mad at you. How I can’t help but fall in love with you every moment. You know that I’d do anything you want in a heartbeat, no matter what the consequences would be.

Even when I don’t want to do it, I do it anyway because I like seeing that smile on your face. God knows how I want you to always smile. And yet, all I’m asking from you is time to be with you, and you always have reasons not to do so. I have to demand it, like I’m at the lowest of your priorities. You like to take advantage of how I feel for you, in more ways than one. You make me chase you, then you make me feel like you were the one who was doing the chasing. You rarely do anything for me anymore, aside from loving me the way you do. If you still love me that is.

Someday you’re going to miss how one look from you and you’d see me practicality floating for you. Someday I’d float for someone else,someone who isn’t you. Someone who would REALLY drop everything for me. Not just dropping because he can, but because he has to. Because he wants to be near my side the moment I ask for it. And when that time comes, I won’t even remember what it was like to be in love with you. Please don’t wait for the day when our forever becomes a never.

I’ve never been this demanding; so I hope you think this through.

Always remember, I love you. But enough is enough.

Girlfriend. <3

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There’s a Filipino quote, “Pag ang tanga nauntog, lagot ka.” (When someone stupid awakens from their stupidity, watch out)
Kind of fiction. Written by me, maybe for someone. In my 3-year long relationship, some days are better than others.

The dark subconscious



I rarely go to this part of my subconscious.


Mostly because people won’t understand. Heck, I don’t understand it.


People always said that writers went to places where they’d weave their stories from. Beautiful creative places where they could make a hit story with just one wave of their hand.


J. M. Barrie. got Neverland.


I got darkness.


I usually get myself busy so I don’t have to travel to the darkest place of my mind. I read, or study, or do chores-anything to take myself away from this place. I surround myself with people. But when I’ve been stuck in a hospital for five days, it does things to me. It takes me there.


Then the bad thoughts come. 


I get suicidal thoughts. Lots of them. Sometimes I’d hold my breath just to see if I could die. I don’t. I don’t usually know why I want to die. I just know I’m not scared of death. I just want to end everything. To end trying to be better when this is all I’ve got. To end trying to please people when I really just want to be myself. To end being trapped in a world where everything was messed up, and everywhere you went there was always more cons than pros. To end being a burden to almost everyone. To end everything. Yeah, that sounds nice.


I slowly get insecure, thinking about what a bad writer I am and how I’d never get famous. How I’d die because I got sick all the time. How I’d never reach my dreams, how everyone secretly hated my writing. I get jealous of younger writers getting their work recognised without even trying so hard, while here I am looking for publishers and agents and people who’d get my work. Everything I’ve achieved has been done with me trying so hard. Nothing ever comes easy for me.


I sometimes remember the times when I got bullied. They’d say bad things about me, and it was easier not to care. But when you bully yourself, you slowly eat yourself inside out. You see all the things wrong about you because you know yourself more than anyone else.


I don’t even know why I’m writing this, but I needed to get this out. To get rid of these terrible thoughts that hinder me from finishing my book, from emailing publishers and promoters, hindering me from reaching my dreams. I do want to get there. I do. But I want to do it my way, because I’m too stubborn. Sometimes I just want to do away, anywhere. Just to see if I could do things on my own. Everyone says I should profit from my writing, but I don’t want that. I write for the sake of writing.


I would cry silently, something I’ve mastered through the years. I cry, making sure I feel every aching pain. I let it out, because when I don’t I hyperventilate. I have the need to talk to someone, but I don’t know who to trust. I’m just afraid that everything will backfire.


This usually comes when something triggers a part of my subconscious that I’ve long decided to keep hidden. Or when I get rejected. Or when I remember something that keeps on happening to me. I hope I don’t scare you all, but I just wanted you to see another side of me. Another side of this struggling writer.


That people aren’t always who they seem to be.